-Choir ministry

Finally, in the year 2011, month of August, or was it September... Hmmm, Can't remember. But along those two months, is where I officially joined Choir Ministry! It was a ministry that I have longed to attend for the longest time!

I met many new friends during my time in choir, and have been trying to forge them ever since. It was like God's way of replying to me that this is my chance to re-establish my friend circles and to live my life and serve Him in this area, where I have a certain gift for it. Singing parts. I did not know it would be that difficult, especially since I was categorized as a Tenor. Sometimes, I wish I am not a Tenor. Because some of the notes are pretty high to hit!

So I went through Choir until now in 2012, in the midst of SOT, I am still in choir but I felt like I am serving overtime. But who cares... I love this ministry. =)


-Finally, SOT 2012

I have quit my job at EPSON. Gone for a short trip to CHINA. And now I am back in Singapore for SOT!!!

It has been a great journey through my blog and its been so long since I have seen my last post and my calling to SOT was real. It was supernaturally, financially paid for. I received a bonus that covered my whole SOT fees! There is still Misc stuff that needs to pay too. So I have been looking for a job and I am studying and working part time as well right now. By the grace of God, I have learnt much of the Word of God aka WOG.
It is just so amazing how the bible is packed with so much truth of the world we are living today and most of the stuff are predicted from four thousand years ago (exaggerated).

I have encountered God as well in a spiritual way and I will document what I experience and what I have seen. I don't care what people will say, but if you have a comment. There it is below. But if you do not want to know then forget it then. LOL!

There will be more to write for my time in SOT. Until then. Chill out...

Year 2012

Blogging has taken a huge rest in my life... However recently, there are much events that I wish to document in my old blog, and since my profile is not yet deleted (PTL) I am able to revamp and recollect every thing that has happened to me in the past. How shall I begin this post? Let's have an update as to what has happened so far previously.

- Army NS Liability Completed

 I have finally fulfilled my calling to National Service of 2 years of my life. Although the experience was filled with much pain, grieve, sorrow, fear, rejection, I made it through. People usually enjoy their 2 years in NS and I do have my fair share of happiness as well. But trust me, it wasn't the best OVERALL.

- Pursuing the Arts (Lasalle College of the Arts)

After which I decided to pursue arts during my last few months before I ORD. I have been attending Art classes in Lasalle, short courses that expose the world of Art to me. I felt at that time, I had a great interest in such activities and also felt confidence when I tried to replicate another person's drawing or pictures given. It was an eye opening experience for me as I watched nude people in front of me and I had to do real Life Drawing classes. I experienced the role of an artist, amateurish but fun.

- Working World (Epson Singapore Pte Ltd)

Next, I enter the Working World. I had great difficulty finding a Job but God has been Faithful to me. I prayed for a job to sustain me for a year, because of certain family relationship problems I faced (With regards to filial piety and finances) my dreams of going to SOT was dashed for that year. It was probably God's way of saying I am not ready.

So I decided to work for a year, to prove also my own filial piety towards my parents and towards myself, my own character. I also took this opportunity to be more spiritual by participating and going through all church activities. But aside from that, Epson was one of the first working experiences that I will carry with me for life. It was a model of how working life should be like. Where we are friends that help each other out in the workplace, and office politics is still present, but behind the scenes we were helping each other. I felt the support given to me and to adjust to the job scope was very well done, also because I felt that all those times in army has molded my character to be more reliable and more effective towards working. On top of that, the people were friendly, despite age and circumstances, we all are neutral and also fun to discuss topics together.

I felt for the first time, loved in a workplace, except for certain Boss moments which I was very expectant for it to happen.

The job I have also gave me much experiences in administrative duties that require me to sit in front of a computer, manipulating data management, logistics data movement and indication of stock location and usage. From the terms I used, you would probably guess I am under logistics.

Well, yes and no. I am a Purchaser. I have to maintain a database for all the products I have bought, monitor the stock level and to bring in or order more materials when it starts to run out. I have to maintain timing and stock levels all at the same time, on top of helping out with new improvement projects that the company wished to established. It was a valuable experience for me.

 Part 2 Coming up...

The Year 2010

Looking back this year, I believe I have learnt many things about myself. I am a natural Procrastinator. I can't help it. Its either I felt it was important to do things, if not I won't even bother. Secondly, my management skills are like so-so, compared to others. Am I really fit to lead people? I believe I ask that question many times and always my answers are vague.

I came to many conclusions about Life and one of them happens to be "Life is EXTREMELY VAGUE, you either jump in with Faith and succeed or fail, or, you hold back with Fear and never accomplish anything. I tried both. However the first option seems to be the most promising. Because even if you jump in and fail, yes you will be somewhat 'humiliated' but after a while, when you know about when the shit will hit the fan, you start to notice the patterns around you and cause for it to not happen the second attempt.

In the short period of time with my Encik, I have learnt many things from his arrival. Many things I looked up to him, his Child like Faith in our company despite the odds, his charismatic way of addressing to the recruits and to us, and also his policy on being HUMBLE and to show RESPECT to others even if they are our enemies and they harmed us, just FORGIVE them and prove to them that you are the best. That is called healthy pride. Guess where that was taken from? The Bible my friends. In army we always lack these things I specifically caps. In fact in life itself, we are lacking these and thats why there are many backstabbings. I've seen how my Encik, new as he is, accept punishment from his superior and if anybody of his same level of appointment or anyone for that matter, do him injustice or random scolding, he will ask nicely what is the problem, settle it as quickly as possible, and after that ask the person if the job was satisfactory and if it is all done. Once he acknowledges, my encik will tell him nicely, "See I got it for you all done, talk to me nicely next time ok?" in a very nice tone and walked off.

Meeting my encik in 2010 for me was the turning point to my 2 years liability of my NS life. I was more cheerful, less agitated and more clear on my job scope. I thank all my fellow sergeants and recruits for creating a fun experience for me in BMTC. Despite the fact that we are a new school and are pioneering a lot of things, we went through weird problems that I felt we should not be going through. But the experience I gain is so invaluble and I will always keep it in my mind and heart.

The Way to Animation! (Sketching tryouts at Lasalle)

Drawing, my friend, is the creative side of the 3D animation industry of the world today. That is what I have been 'investing' my money and time in recently.

Once again, I've caught on the bug of animation from watching inspiring visual effects and movement from the very famous Final Fantasy and from a game known as Bioshock! The way story tells from these games are sbsolutely spell-binding along with the gameplay factor. It adds up to the storyline of things. First Person mode.

Anyway I hope to note down my time in going through this Professional Development Course aka Drawing With The Right Brain course that I picked up at Lasalle School of the Arts in Singapore.

Its a 2 month course and it starts immediately introducing different art forms and techniques as the week progresses. And yes, its once a week in the night, suited for those who really need to work in the day and ,out of interest, come to this course at night.

So far its been 3 weeks into the course and I must say, it has opened my eyes a little more to the Artist World. Of course when they say drawing class is just like primary school, draw draw draw, then splash the paint, TADAH!!! ART! Its not that simple, bub.

Sketching has never been so HARD! Also, i realise that maybe ABSTRACT art was not my cup of tea. I mean, I can be abstract, just not as abstract as some other people in my class. They can really define patterns and draw twice as good as me. Talented people, Talented Competition... I like.

2nd Week we were introduced to tools that could help our sketching using a 'viewfinder' we 'capture' on this plastic telc and then we draw according to the dimensions as closely as possible. At first it was just our hands, then when you add an object to the hands, it becomes generally even more difficult. There are shadings to be done and to tone the shading for the shadows are a little harder.

What about Blind Contours? Wow, I think I practically fail that category. We need to draw an object WITHOUT looking at the paper and just Blindly draw the lines thus the magic name, Blind Contours. Its crazy I tell you. But it was wonderously crazy. The feeling of exhilaration by just trying to draw the object, marvelous and sometimes a little disheartened. But no matter it was just my second week.

Third week. FIGURE DRAWING! Now THAT is interesting.

We had two models coming in to pose NUDE for us. Now that's a FIRST FOR ME! A guy and girl model, appearing nude and we had to draw! Using the techniques I've learned, negative spaces, contours, view finders, we were very much ENGROSS in trying to draw the figure out that we do not notice their nakedness as much as on our paper. Here I see loads of professionalism from the students, other then the occasional outburst of laughter due to silly drawings that did not turn out the way we wanted it to be. That just made it fun.

Then we did Portrait drawing. We had to draw faces and heres where I really get to working. I drew the face of the model and when the teacher came by to see my finished work she was actually impressed. Her names Susan by the way.

Susan: "Wow, I've got to show this" (Shows to some of the students near me)
Susan: "Is this your first time doing a portrait?"
Me: "Yes it is."
Susan: "Wow, its not bad for a beginner, I must say that your portrait is quite good actually."
Me: *smile* (actually I'm just absolutely thrilled to hear from her)

It was like her first praise to me. Because most of the time she just comes to me and give constructive critisisms like my portion was way off.
But during the whole figure drawing she gave me two praises and only one constructive criticism. It was a week to be remembered. My first ever, Sketching of the human being in the NUDE and both sexes too. It was eye-opening and surprisingly, I really thought that if you see a girl nude, I would have other thoughts otherwise, but strangely enough, I didn't feel anything.

It's like what our Teacher said, we just see them as objects and ultimately we may even forget that our Models are actually ALIVE and need to move and drink and do all sorts of things human if they were to sit there for so long.

I hoep to update the next few weeks so that I can keep track of my progress and journey to entering the Animation industry. =)

End of 03/10 Batch of Viper Recruits: Reflection

I can finally say that its OVER!!! Finally!

Its been a hectic 2 months of shit thrown at us. We had lost muzzle, lost magazine, again. And we had Scorpion. The most freaking idiotic Warrant officer company who just can't seem to shut up about us screwing up certain things but in the end they also pulled some stuns that displeases the whole cluster. Like allowing their recruits to go in ADMIN ATTIRE to cookhouse for lunch, why? Coz they will have physical activity the next period. WTFreaking HELL!

Then my company? We all abide to the BMTC rule book, but Scorpion is allowed to flaunt the rules??? What is this? Then because of our Coy's certain discipline issues, now this morning another Warrant Officer from the cursed coy came over to claim domination over our coy. It was partly our mistake, but from what I see, I know that they have been aiming us pretty hard. Its not like my officers during duty even noticed and mention about S coy before.

Like CSM said... Stay humble.

Hopelessly... Merciful...

Personally, I do not understand why is it I think the way I think? Get it?

Rephrase, I do not understand how was it that I derive the conclusion to my own thoughts on certain situations. Example would be, I will always think that my section commanders are not listening to my orders due to the fact that I was once a 3SG and also when I was a new PS.

My appointment was in the end neglected and thought of as RUBBISH from my fellow peers as they go ahead with things that I know will not work out. Therefore I just stop talking altogether. Now that was my REACTION to my Thoughts.

I can't help but feel that for the past few months I was in VIPER. I don't really feel like a family. More like a forced Family Union that currently, some of my cousins and younger generations are showing. Even on Facebook. Nevertheless, I will still put on a good show. Do what I can for my platoon and irregardless of what other platoons say about my platoon. I know I have did my best.

Its just that sometimes, those few PSes that love to shoot my platoon. I understand that my platoon is the way it is. Then so be it. Why the hell you interfere? I finally understand why Ridzwan told me to FUCK OFF whenever I try to run his platoon. Its a nagging feeling in me that nearly exploded. But everytime I suppress it.

There were times I really wanted to just shout at my fellow sergeants to stay out of it. You want to talk to them? Can. But you want to talk down my platoon then be ready. That was my initial thoughts at first. Until I told myself that they are my commanders and I cannot "control" them like Recruits.

This applies the sameway to my fellow Sec Comds. So much for being a PS. No one really listens. Ask them to do things they will consider two to three things before they start doing. And they did it TO ME ONLY! Their OWN PS!!! FUCK YOU BASTARDS!

So far the new spec has proven humble and irritable due to the fact of his way of lying to us about certain issues. But nevertheless he's ok. I'm talking about those that entered my platoon since the previous batch of PTP. They think that just because they went through a PTP phase they know their stuff. They are seriously wrong. Instead, they find new ways to smoke out and from all people, ME! Their PS.

Then All you section commanders just FUCK OFF LA! What for I need you guys who will not listen to me? Although yes you did your JOB. But there are more things then your Job scope.

One of them said to me and I will always remember. "You think you got do this before? You don't know how tough it is!" That time that sec comd was doing a demonstration for Fire Movement. I only pointed out some mistakes to let him know. He took it the wrong way.

Maybe it was the way I phrase my words. I should have complimented him first. The next thing was to discretely tell him his mistakes.

Still, he told me off that day. And I was freaking piss. He did not know that I went through the same shit as him, just that it was more shiong. I did it with my fellow batch, and we did it, nicely. Double J, former OC Viper, took us one side and applaude us in our very UP demonstration.

He still is my Sec Comd, and is still getting on my nerves. I can't help but to always want to put him in a difficult situation as a retaliation for his mistake. In the end, my moral values got the better of me.

I'm sick and tired of being nice, of being merciful, but in the end... I can't. I just can't.

Failure and its Beautiful Nature...

Many of us who went through Failure, especially Singaporeans, have seen it as a form of Taboo. It strikes in every heart of the Asian community in Singapore, that is why our education is our number one priority, our goals for an ONWARD SINGAPORE and our busy lives, contributes to the Taboo of Failure.

Now lets say you failed. Your brain registers a thought that "You are a Failure." Then when the environment somewhat confirms your Perspective, in the end it takes form within your Sub-concious. Which ultimately defines the way you think in future. Its a little psycological, yet I have seen men in the army who are just like that. They didn't know it. Explaining it to them does not help it. The only way we can help this form of people is to guide them all the way till the end.

Its not easy, and simple. Patience is required and alot of understanding is needed. Less condemnation and more love to be given to this bunch of individual. But army being army. Results Orientated, less humane in its doctrines see this form of treatments relatively as "sissy" and "the person is too feminine" despite him being a guy. This are low stereotypical levels. The rest will think he "faked" the injury. But what can we say?

We are not psychics who can read people's mind like super heroes. We can only do what we do best as humans. Show concern and love, to cover-up but not to spoil. To unleash wrath on the wrong doings but to stay lovingly towards the human.

Perspective Thinking and its Conseqences...

I generally have to say that I thank God for Perspective Thinking. He has caused my eyes to really open wide to what is going on around me as well as to see things in different views so that I do not let my anger get the better of me like every batch.

Although I see things in a different light, but my perspective views cannot be accepted by the people around me. I can talk to them, but they immediately brush it off as talking cock. After having a Perspective, now all I really need is the art of Persuasion.

Persuasiveness I have always thought I am one of those few. But after coming to army, I realised I have a long long way to go. The people here are vicious, and will climb over your head. I am just a nice guy to my sergeants, but that does not mean you can sukale do everything the way you wanted it to be. Having said that, I have been avoiding arrows too but not all the important ones. I guess I just could not understand why they take leave at times which are a little inappropriate. Tanking sessions will be underway.