BoA - I Did It For Love - Music Video

Dance dance and dance!!!

BoA(보아)_Energetic_MusicVideo

Love this video!!! Boa is so fluid in her dance! Ultimate dance guru!

D & D Madness!

I can officially say that I have a taste of how clubbing is like when I went for this D & D. The school was having an anniversary dinner for school 2. There was some emceeing and performances as well as games, but non can be compared, yes even the mask changing performance, to the girls that came up to dance on stage. They were of course in their scantily clad club wear, and they started dancing, then all of a sudden, they start grabbing people up on stage. The lucky guys were given a lap dance and even an up close dance with them.

I was one of the people that got "dragged" up. I mean, I won't resist because I felt that it was something that I need to break, this limit of having fun. So I took it up a notch, allowed myself to dance with this beautiful babe. At first I did not really know what to do. I told the lady I was not a dancer and she just told me to just move. I looked at the way she moved and I just tried to mimic, then in the end I just let it go, I just dance.

The feeling waved over me as I dance in however manner I want, I couldn't care less what people say or think at that point in time, I just want to dance with this lady. After grooving for awhile, she complimented me, that I CAN dance. That was what blew me away.

Ok, I am a sucker to such things. Words of affirmation, that comes from a hot babe and she is dancing, moving her body naturally and with sex appeal oozing from everywhere. I was thrilled, excited. It was my first time, dancing naturally on the stage, with a Hot Babe in front of me, having fun just grooving with the music. It was one of the most fun D & D's I've ever had.

I guess its time I let myself go. Its been so long since I've done so. My problem was always in the area of balancing. I can work hard but can't let go. I have to learn and practice this side of me more often...

POP for 04/09!!! My First Batch Officially Over!

Here I am sitting at home, blogging about the current events and the attitudes I have developed as I stayed in Viper Company. At first, I couldn't cope with the company, or at least I tried to keep up, and by doing so, I have neglected my sleep, my movements have become sharper and I was tested constantly because of my own weak mind.

But now I can say that it has finally turn out for the better. I can't believe my OC and CSM will be posting out after this batch. And what a big change to a company who is going to be totally refurbished in terms of management and even methods of teaching. I will be the next Platoon Sergeant definitely, and I have a very long way to go. The two anchors of the company are going to leave, it is up to all the PS, including me and Fei Peng to keep the company anchored, the Viper culture anchored and to keep on keeping on, if not, improve the Viper culture. My test will come even stronger even greater, and I have decided to step up to it.

I am proud of my section. When they first came in, I taught them what is to be a Male by Birth, and man by Choice... I taught them first on focusing on the little things in life, that will eventually lead to success. I taught them about not giving up, to think positive as much as possible, to be garang, to sing, to be a person of character. The results? I have silver and even a IPPT gold in my section. One of them even passed the SOC where in my platoon only 2 passed. Add on to that, there are three people in my section who became the top 5 of our platoon, that shows how motivated my people are and what impact I have done in their lives.

Personally, I am proud of them. I wish them all the best and I hope to influence more people with the mindset I try to set, and that is the Spirit of Excellence. I find much of this spirit is lacking in our society, so I wish to enforce it and I pray that my God will mould my platoon according to his will...

I JUST WANT YOU - Planetshakers cover

I cant believe I did not share this. This video was taken during my time when I was still training to be a sergeant. It was one of my better singing voice in this video. Although the front screwed up abit, but still its one of the better ones.

Hear our Cry - CHC Band cover (Writings on the Wall album)

Here is another song from the new album by CHC. Enjoy.

Beautiful - CHC Band Acoustic

Finally I have resumed my covers! Although I have been adjusting to my new environment, I managed to find time to play. This is Beautiful by CHC band.

December 1 and Visionary Spotlights

Its the last week before the actual POP week for the recruits. It will also be our 'lau' period by the end of the phase. Now, left with GP parade and the 24 click route march on our hands, I hope that every recruit can pass out in peace and I hope they take back whatever I have said. Male by birth, man by choice.

I know that I have been complaining over the past few weeks. But perhaps, it was all for the better. I am not really happy at all, honestly, since I've stepped into Viper. Yet, I can see myself a new purpose, a new vision for myself as I started being an instructor there. Even with certain signs shown by the OC, that made me think that I can be what he requires from me.

The OC has taken me aside to talk about me being a platoon sergeant. Even my PC has approached me about it. After speaking to OC, I realise that inevitably, I will become one, because of the certain traits he highlighted about me. He said I was responsible. To me, I don't see how responsible am I compared to other commanders around me. Then he felt that I have the calibre to become a platoon sergeant, and he said that it would be a waste if I became a Armskote spec or even a signal spec, because I had what it takes to be a PS.
"So how do you feel, Clement." He asked.

I replied him truthfully at that point in time, that I was honoured for being considered to be a PS, but I fear the extreme responsibilities that a PS must shoulder. That was word for word that I remembered. Yet there was another side of me, I am not really the kind that screws recruits because their bunk is untidy, I am the kind that screws people when their character stank, and they just would not work together. I am particular of grooming people, not torturing them for no reason. I don't F recruits, I punish, correct and observe for changes. I am not a Joshua, or a Ridzwan, neither am I as soft as Suhairi, maybe, I am a Ming Liang for some of the traits. In other words, I can only be myself. With my own values running alongside my show, if I am PS.

Focus vision is what I need to make my sense of belonging. No one else can do it for me, only I must put the effort.

Confused to the Max...

I feel pretty much empty these past few weeks.

I would be putting all my white lie face, saying that everything's ok. Everything is going well, I don't mind making the sacrifice, these are my white lies for the past 3 weeks. I don't feel belonged at all, whether in cell group, in viper coy, at home, with my relatives, even in Church. Its like a whole new void altogether being formed in my soul, and the devil is laughing from the shadows as he see me struggle with my own personality, character, breaking down in front of him. I hated it that I have let the devil win this area over me.

I can't stand it that the fact whenever I pray, someone just steps into the room and I can't lock it. Its been like this since I have been in Tekong. I tried to get to my routine of praying. But I can't. I want to do my own things, I can't. Others can have their off days and all that, they all took up the space, leaving me, with nothing. I hate to inconvenience others, but by doing so, I have just inconvenienced myself. Such is what bullying is all about. I can't make the stand to say that I want to have my off day. When I feel that I am doing something which is selfish, I just won't do it. I can tell if I'm being selfish, which I believe its definately a character refined from God. But even so, I feel that this part of me is taking away all my privilages, my offs and my rest time. I wish I knew what was right and wrong in the place that I am in.

There is freedom in commandership, but that is precisely why I can't see the right way. Talk about standardization, talk about being good commanders, talk about doing the right things yet people still do the wrong things. SO WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO FOLLOW!!!

Army Journey VIPER Coy: Whole lot Knock it Down...

As I stepped into Viper Coy in BMT, my first thought was, I should be able to live in this coy. The first reaction the moment I enter was a shout of welcome and people all start jumping and hooting.

Little did I know what it means to be the 'new' guy. The shit starts hitting me as I progress through my first ever PTP batch. There isn't really much to say about life at Viper as the OC is rather demanding. But if he doesn't demand the standard, then we might as well live life carefree and whatever we want to do. That is so, so wrong. So far being in Viper has been a positive experience. I've been doing my job well, mostly to the best of my abilities.

As I am new to the whole instructional tour, I still feel the uneasiness of not fitting in totally to the coy. I guess as time passes, I will be able to express my own thoughts soon to whatever planned activities there are in future.

Personally, I love my platoon 3. Especially finally when 2 of our High Key events were fianlly done. I pray that platoon 3 will continue to perform and stick with the attendence.

I just realized I only knock the platoon down only when certain safety or standards are compromised. But comparing to other commanders, I don't really do excess punishments, because I know that if I can't even do the punishment, why even implement it on the recruit. But hey this are just commanders woes. I hope to strive to be my own commander. Nope, I'm not going to aim for best commander, but to be a respectable commander who not only get things done, but keeps the platoon motivated and together. I can never be like my fellow sec com, Mahatir, but he is a very good sec com. If I were to learn one or two things from him it would be the way he instills motivation to the platoon.

So far, the army journey is gradually getting from high on the graph to low... as the days start counting down once I hit next year.

Maturity, a Factor of Men's Character

Maturity is something men usually lack, or fail to showcase at the appropriate times. Most of the time we just goof off and want to slack more than anything else. Anything that is fun or is pleasurable, the men are thus motivated to perform with utmost execution.

So what exactly is maturity? I was told that your Maturity is determined by the capacity of handling your responsibility. I agree totally to this sentence and from maturity we can definitely handle more task, execute the plan without hesitation, and even perform well despite the fact that you hated the task.

Of course, the rewards don't really come that easily. Not everything you do is worth a reward, but yet its necessary. In fact, if you ask me the reward for handling your responsibility is the making of character and safety in your own life as well as others. That to me is the best reward.

I have this friend, who always wants to escape from his responsibilities. He will tell me of how to get away from this problem, or that duty and won't even try to think of a solution. Even if he did think of one, he practically tried to push the blame to others. Would you deemed this maturity? Would you even deemed him trustworthy enough to perform the task in future. I think not.

I can't say that he's not the only one. Everybody is looking for a way out, a short cut to earning money, saving time and wanting to relax. Nobody will take the stressful path, or the narrow way as the bible puts it. After all, it inconveniences you, makes you vulnerable. But ultimately as you take that path, as Christians we all agree, that the destination is secured. Although you are pressed on all sides on your Journey, always remember that this narrow road you have been taking, will eventually lead you to your destiny and to the plans that God has planned for you.

But I don't want to follow the will of God! I would say sometimes, I just want my desires to be fulfilled, I don't want that narrow path, why take the narrow one when there is a wider path with better security and less risk? Just slack la! This could be the conversation of your thoughts within our brains. But that is how I can distinguish 'mature' Christians to shallow and thoughtless Christians. They are still Christians, but they can't be bothered to even rise up. Especially the men.

I have a burden for the men out there. All the Christians in army that seem to think they have fallen behind in their relationship with God through the army experience. I want to show an example, that I have made it through with not by my strength but by the Spirit of God, which He has done for me so far and I believe he will continue to shine in my life. I pray that I can influence my fellow recruits to be stronger, to be enduring, to stay in discipline, to witness that they are men and not a boy anymore. We can play, but when we are serious, we will perform.

Reflection statement

I guess its just normal for a blog post to sound so much like a diary. Updating your post means you are still alive somehow on this world and the messages placed in a blog are usually useless things about the person's life and his or her encounters. Like what time they eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, what was their day, what happened etc.

To me, blogging is somehow a reflection. Not so much of diary, but to let my self understand my own thoughts brought down to words.

Being a commander is totally different then a leader. A leader is something that ANYONE can be. A Commander however, holds the Authority. Something which I've noticed over the past 2 weeks as a sergeant. Honestly, army is a bore to most of us Singaporeans. Why? Being 'forced' to serve this 2 years of our life in the army. However, not everybody regretted the experience.

9 months of army has made my thinking different. Commander authority is not just the rank, its you. You earned the authority, you have to show the authority. Somehow, I realized my weakness in this. I can't really shout my feelings, I can write it down, I can think it, but I can't express through speaking, which could be my downfall. Also, I am a 'nice' sergeant to my rec. I have been nice already. Compared to my other fellow colleagues, I just can't be the nasty guy.

But somehow, certain things allow me to shout, like not taking care of equipment, not taking care of the little things in their bunks. To clean up the areas needed for cleaning. I've already told my section about that. I hope to be able to start giving them more motivation as they began their 3rd week in army.

Army Journey - Back to BMT: Spec-ulation...

So what is moral standards? What is integrity? By playing by the rules? Sticking to the plan? Sticking to the standards? Or just throw that all away and be wild and free? Not caring for what is to come or what your actions will lead to some consequence which may affect others?

I've struggled with this. Peer pressure is always the problem to my decisions. On this day, 09/09/09, is where I want to make a stand. Sergeant is just a rank, but with it comes Great Responsibility as well. This does not give you excuses that you will wake up late, do not account for strength, not meeting the timing, not to march even when you are on course. I really hate that! Its like specs are given more freedom then officers? For Pete's sake, spare me all their non-sense. Somehow, not many of the commanders with me here are not even SERIOUS about this. Gentlemen, recruits will be under your care. You want to 'show' me that you are screwed up, fine. But do not screw yourselves up in front of the Recruits. If not how you lead by example? Wayang? Maybe. But its better than not giving a good impression from the recruits. Maybe you can talk to them because you are not so regimental, but they most likely won't trust you.

I must say that sometimes we have to be flexible, but not to the extent you lower the standards. In fact, the only reason why I am flexible, is because I TRUST that whether you are recruit or spec, you can get it done, you can do your duties properly, then we can talk about letting you sleep more and you are able to wake up and go down in 5 minutes for accounting of strength.

For me... Its time I practiced discipline in my exercise. Will be confined this week due to PTP batch. Hope to return to Singapore soon.

Army Journey - Back to BMTC : New Reformation, New Jobs for BMT Sergeants...

Chapter 1 of this new phase is the transition from Trainee to finally a Commander.

My fellow commanders-in-training all are still naive about one thing. That the BMTC Sergeants are KING over there. Perhaps the old way was like that. Now after hearing things from the BMTC HQ higher ups and the new things being implemented, I can safely say "WOW".

Next time, we 3SGs are no longer Kings, we will be with our men literally, just like unit people. Only difference? We act as instructors too, but the other side, the section commander side of us, cannot just throw it away. New challenges arises from my batch as BMTC is undergoing major restructuring. Many problems are going to occur and I can only pray that it won't be too complicated for all of us to accomplish.

I understand that we all have to do our duties, I am worried for the fact that the amount of duties I have done are so minimal. In fact, I have only done COS duty only ONCE in my current Army life. And from BMT all the way till now, I have not done a single, Guard Duty.

Count myself lucky? Well at that time I felt that way. Now I am back to the sunny island of Tekong I feel that I lack the experience on what Guard commanders do.

But I guess the main worry is the part that we will be leading our men out there in the field. And I thought I could throw away most of my knowledge back to SISPEC. But No, we can't. If we do so we will be digging our own burial ground instead of a shellscrape.

Truly, these are exciting times, even the BMTC HQ Commander, mentioned the thing on Servanthood Leadership. Now this term is actually Biblical. That caught my attention. Perhaps I'm moving along in God's Plan and Now is the time to really shine for God. Influencing and Inspiring the recruits to become better MAN and to be strong.

Updates for August!

Its been a long 3 weeks. Where was I? I was in Taiwan for training. Although I can't really say much details but I just want to say that it was a time of trials and tribulations. A time of great testing of mental as well as an experience I can say is once in a lifetime.

It was all by the grace of God. I really couldn't survive without Him. I confide in Him when I have the chance, even if I had not done so due to the army's regimental ways, God still keeps me in good health, in shape as well as able to go through all the exercises. I participated in everything.

Even before exercise Warrior, which happened to be the finale field camp, I was struck by fear. Fear that I can't carry on due to the summer heat and we had to chiong sua in that heat. I know myself, that I tend to blame others or argue back the things that I do. In other words, I always did not admit my mistakes. I feel that the lowest pits even before Warrior even started.

Looking back, I find it very foolish of me to worry even before it started. I suppose this is one of the things that God wants me to face up to. Although I cried for fear. I realised my tears were shed in vain, because I serve a God who is BIGGER than the exercise. I can finally look at a new perspective and come out stronger then ever before.

I have only SOC to clear. Once this is completed is POP LOH!!!

Other than the updates, I would like to thank my family and friends who encouraged me during my difficult period of thinking depressing thoughts before a major exercise. I should have looked on with a positive attitude all the time.

21st Birthday Blues...

Finally I turn 21!

Many things happened on my Birthday. Though most are not pleasent... First things first, I still failed my SOC. Its been pretty tiring to keep hearing from others that I still failed this stupid and pointless test.

Then right after that, all the LSC's got a meeting from our Staff, to address on the issue of not eating breakfast in the morning for some of the people in the bunks. He even summoned to two offenders to the office room. One of them happened to be in my Section. I have wasted my breathe trying to talk through him. Up till now I still can't believe why is he still inside ASLC.. Or even to be training to become a sergent at all.

Other then that, the only good thing or at least to me, was the briefing on our upcoming Exercise in Taiwan. I can't really mention much, but the R&R is what I have been looking forward to. From the briefing I understand that the training schedule is pretty hectic. In fact, I predict that we won't have much admin rest time at all. All I know is, many measures were taken to ensure our body is to be taken care of, also that we have to shit properly at the right places. All the disciplines have to be followed or face the consequences. I can't wait for the end of the exercise!

Then today, after all the inspection was done, we can finally book out to go home. After slacking at home for awhile, I went out with my family for a little supper. When we reached home, guess what. The house was all covered in smoke. My mom immediately realized that she forgotten to turn of the stove. Wow. If we were home any later, I do not know how disastrous it would have become.

Anyway, this is my birthday. Not very grand, not much presents, not much company as well. Abit disappointed that my own parents forgotten that today was my actual birthday. I actually noticed that my birthday's are like that these few years. Either I am turning invisible, or my birthdays don't matter much anymore. Nevertheless, though all these things happen, I will praise God for bringing me to where I've been for the pass 21 years.

Too many ups and downs before I reached to where I am right now. I know I still needed to mold myself even more, I am not confident enough to lead anyone yet. Even today as I tried to take charge no one listens. I shout, I get cold feedback but at least they start to move faster. Sometimes I want to break the cycle, but its just too hard when people are just not cooperative to the purpose or this course.

Well, so much for my 21st Birthday...

Lady GaGa - Poker Face (Acoustic - Live)

You thought Lady Gaga's Song is all about computerized techno? Well check her out! Pokerface acoustic! I will always love acoustic versions!

21st Birthday Celebration!

A New Era is Born...

Indeed it has. I agreed totally to the slogan on the card I received from my cell group friends. Thanks for the shirt guys it was nice. Somehow, during this whole birthday thing, I wanted it to be different.

Most 21st Birthday are about 'Keys' to Freedom. But my cake is a guitar, which raised many questions among my family and relatives. But what is wrong with a guitar? I love that instrument. Besides, every 21st Birthday, their cakes are either keys or just plain square cakes. I like to be different than others, I don't care what people say anymore. Because the more I do so, I will start to 'please' them. So often its actually quite harmful. I got to learn when to not heed the words they say and learn to know when can I 'throw' them away.

Overall, it was a good celebration. Met my old friends and even got to see my former cell group members and hearing their laughter and the things they shared with one another... It brings back memories. I actually took a trip down memory lane today, as I see my friends, relatives and even the events that I've went through. Personally, I feel nostalgic, a little sad, happy that I am 21, but still a little hard to believe, that I am 21. I am a matured adult? Maybe, in terms of certain responsibilities brought to light. But I feel that I still have a long way to go. There are more things needed to be done, more stuff to complete and meet the dateline.

It was quite a fun time though, a pity for some of my friends who could not make it in the end. But no matter, I 'm a simple guy, I did not really do a large scale party but its all worth it. Presents lesser so what. The most important thing to me is to be able to spend quality time together. Anyway I hope to enforce that 21 years I am still alive, kicking and ready to take on the coming challenge.

Talking cock...

Booking in soon...

I wanted to blog about my feelings for the coming field camp. But its no use, all I feel is, I don't want to go, I don't want to go... Even the platoon live firing is even draining my spirit away. It's like the most depressing book-in's, like that time in BMT when we have our Chinese New Year before our field camp. That feeling is back again. The reluctance to enter back to camp.

I believe that's being human. That's my flesh. I can't help but feel reluctant and no 'fire' within me at all. I kept thinking about what might come, which began to hinder what I am about to do now. I've wondered how am I going to survive without bathing for 4 days, even 7 days of no bathing. I can only pray that I will lift up all these events to God. I shall put my trust in the lord.

Being religious? Maybe, sometimes its ok to be a little religious. I need God more than ever before. But I wish for it to be not one-sided. If God brought me to Infantry to make me feel more uncomfortable and to become stronger in my mind, then so be it. I will do my best for this trial...

Updates and Rantings....

This week is a rather slack week, after all we are in camp. Its better to be in camp then the outfield, infantry really sucks.

I have a problem if I can't pass the SOC course. If I can't, I won't be able to get my 3SG rank. Sometimes I just accepted that I won't pass out as a 3SG and hope to actually go to another vocation where I can finally learn something new. I've met my old friend from BMT today at the SOC ground. He was our medic at the end point and I was quite surprise to see him.

I talked to him and he is serving as a medic man. He told me that if I were to OOC because I cannot clear the SOC, I will post to most probably, Combat Medic. Its 8am-5pm job. I could use that sort of job. Other than that, I wish still to be able to pass in future.

ARGH! I'm just ranting.

Christian NSF's... They need the Church Support...

I can't help but keep thinking...

What if, the church can do a program that prepares Christian men in Singapore, to be aware and ready for their coming national service, not to prevent them from entering or to 'chao keng' but to become effective people in future as they start serving their NS.

Not only that, but once they are in NS, they will be always cared for and remembered by their fellow church friends. After all, once they enter, they can't really guarantee a stable time table, their cell group timings would be screwed up, and they will eventually stop growing in the lord. I've been through this, and I wondered why am I drying up so fast. Sometimes I always say that if it weren't for attending church, I would have given up to be a commander. Somehow, I can find my strength if I continue to attend church, I will just feel empowered. But the feeling does not last for long.

I have this burden for the Christian enlistees, that they are not prepared for whats about to come and experience in army. There will be many temptations, the life style will be totally different. The way they do things in army is sometimes nonsensical but memorable, and sometimes the people will around you will start to drain your spirit away. As you began to see the male entity of the world, you will began to realize the predicament of your spirit being drained away by individuals with their own way of doing things. Not realizing that it will 'sabo' which is sabotage, your platoon mates.

I began to think why does men, grow weaker spiritually in army. The answer lies in the people in army and that it was hard to even form a prayer meeting without being interrupted. As a leader to be, I feel that action is needed for the church to not neglect this group of people as they not only serve the country, but they serve also the one true God by going to army. Toughening physical as well as mental stress.

I feel that the church should organize something for the NSF who attends church. I'm still brain-storming ideas on how to do so, but so far nothing I could think up. Damn I start to talk cock already...

A Coming-of-age Dilema....

Being a person who thinks. Thats what I strive to be. To be able to think of solutions, to think of ways to bond the team, to find the best way possible to do a task. That's what I have been trying to do. Furthermore, physically I have nearly hit the pinnacle of my injuries.

My left feet is aching, back is also aching, having a sore throat too. I wonder how am I able to move on in my course? There are still more to come. I believe its the work of supernatural, after all, I have not been really praying like before. I haven't even touch my bible this few weeks. Sometimes I just don't feel like doing those things. But yet, I feel that I haven't lost God's touch on my life. Maybe because I still go to church, but something's missing in my life.

Whenever, I travel by MRT or even by taxi, as I look at the people in the cabin or on the road side, I see couples, groups of friends, hanging out doing the things they want to do together. I feel so disheartened, why don't I have friends like that anymore. Especially since I'm in army, and how army friends also have their own life to live. None would really want to spend time together outside. After all one of them has a girl-friend.

Speaking about girl-friends, I finally understood what Pastor Kong meant by 'an urge for a merge'. Its like an in-built system in men. We have auto targeting eyes to seek out 'potential' targets every now and then. Its like inevitable! We would automatically stare at a 'prominant' object in the middle of the mrt cabin and then we would like: 'Man, I wish she was my girl-friend, so beautiful in that dress, that skirt, that b- Whoa whoa whoa... SNAP OUT OF IT.' That's when I know its beginning to hit me. Its like every girl that walks past, mostly with just above average looks is like the one for me! Man, its a very deadly trap. I feel kinda ashamed that I am sharing a guy's dilema here, but this is the only place I can get it out.

Furthermore, I know City Harvest has also alot, and I mean, ALOT of beautiful girls! Sure, I went for worship, I wanted to learn God's Word, but more that anything, I want to experience God, not experience some ladies, who dressed 'pretty' well and even sometimes dressed to show off assets, as well as the curves. What's there not to stare at? Especially like what, a 21 year old young man like me?

I know this is normal for a guy. I am a guy for pete's sake. I adore women but the drive to really want to stay with the one I love is getting on me. I finally understood abit of what my buddy David is feeling. He just wants to be pure, to be faithful to the one he deems the love of his life. Yet sometimes, our 'desires' will just go overboard. Its not like I can use psychic powers and hypnotise a girl to love you? Or even make her be the one, no wait, if you got such power you would control all those women you like just for the sex. Reality check for me...

When oh when will I find the one for me. Who is able to satisfy my own needs, and also I want to do things together, to have fun, shopping and even hugging and kissing... I guess, I only came to realise that more and more, as I began to enter the pinnacle of adult-hood...

Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus - Butterfly Fly Away - AOL Music Sessions - HQ

One of my favourite songs so far. I heard this when I watched Hannah Montanna the Movie. It was beautiful the lyrics. The melody was beautiful as well. Enjoy how a caterpiller become a butterfly, fly away...

Only Human....

If any of you that have been visiting my blog at all, my personality results at the sides have changed. I'm more introverted, and I became a generous artist. Probably, because army life is an alien to me, so I've been quite closed up about myself. I think more too, probably too much. I hope to revive my orange side quickly. Cause that's mostly like me, reckless, tend to jump in instead of walk in. But I just can't be myself in army. Why? My friends would ask me.

I just felt provoked that my freedom was compromised. I stepped in with the mentality that I want to build up my discipline level. Also, I wanted to be physically involved. Yet sometimes, I rely too much on my discipline, I kinda found out that I keep to myself. I felt that no one wants to really know me and my life. After all, whenever there was a chance to intro myself, whatever I say seems to fall on deaf ears, there wasn't much response from the crowd. In other words... I don't feel acceptance.

Especially since I've changed cell, I actually, honestly speaking, don't really feel accepted at all. I felt like an alien in my cell sometimes. I rarely interact with them due to my own screwed up schedule, after all, its army. The places where they want to out reach was simply too far away from home. Then I realised, I am actually pleasing people every where, so that I can get acceptance.

I also realised, that this is not the way to gain acceptance. You keep giving and giving to that altar, but its not enough. Today's sermon. I have to stop, and realise I have already gain acceptance in the eyes of God. Yet I can't help but think, if God accepted me, then why is it, up till now, I cannot find acceptance yet? Its all about attitude again.

I need to buck up. But yet I just can't help but feel that way sometimes. I am after all, only human. Sure you may have a strong mind, but unlike my officer friend, I am not that strong. Although I can endure, but that does not neccessarily make me a strong minded fella.

Army Journey SISPEC ASLC : The Real Course Starts... Now..

Its been quite slack so far in Juliet. Slack in terms of waiting time, and live firings for these whole month. Also, we have completed our first Field Camp. Its been great training as well as a little demoralizing to end the 1 month in ASLC with a field camp. After all, anything outfield always ask for more walking, more defending, more crap to face eventually.

The OOC feeling is still in me, but after hearing stories of Taiwan, I just feel so alive! But I still have the OOC feeling every time I'm in training. I guess in truth, mentally I can only handle so far, and also, nobody was very cooperative at that time. Too many individuals with individualistic thinking and less team cohesiveness, that was the lack in this batch, and all the previous batches I've ben through. Probably, this would carry on and I could not control the situation.

But I can control myself, and my thoughts on the outcome.

Anyway, I have been having less sleep, its like I can't stop thoughts running through my head, information and nonsense have been activating when I wanted to sleep. Also, I have not had a good appetite as well recently. I need to understand why do I do the same things again and again and again, simply boring to the core.

I was informed during the field camp, that the course for ASLC really starts now, this is where we have to prepare for our next outfield which I heard it was going to be pretty nasty in terms of physical. I need to mentally prepare.

My staff sergent told me that for the Overseas training, I won't have to worry much on the training and my thinking, because basically, once we get there, we will all have the mentallity to graduate and we will do whatever it takes. Theres also the R&R to consider too. And since, I'll be heading overseas 2 days after my birthday, I'm going to take that as a birthday present. =)

Till then.

The Christian Life vs Army Life

I've realized something. Probably many men have came with this conclusion but, actually, there are many similarities to the Christian life towards the army life. Both are practically the same.

When I first enlisted I began to start talking more to God, to pray. Then hard times in the form of physical activity. After which, the 'Fighting Spirit' will kick in and somehow you overcome the obstacle. Its like Faith, you put your faith in your own abilities and sure you may fail your SOC, your IPPT, but one day you will conquer that obstacle, with the most shocking results ever. That was for my running in IPPT and the current CSB 10km run in 1 hour.

In army is about regimentation discipline, you always need to follow a set of rules and laws must be accounted for. In the christian faith, we believed in the 10 commandments and follow Jesus through his first Birth, to his burial and then his RESURRECTION. Not forgetting about the ASCENSION into Heaven. These phases are exactly what I've been through before almost all the time.

Its up to you to brave the burial phase of your circumstance. I was actually pretty disappointed, sad and fearful when I was announced to be part of ASLC. I actually cried on that day. It was one of my most emotional and mentally toughest times I've been through. I wallow in self-pity and was on the verge of even thinking of OOC.

But if I did so, I know I may not have a chance to become a 3SG ever again. And I'll be breaking the flow of my army life. I wanted to quit to give up, it was pretty tempting and i've dwelled with my old bad habits again during my time in the one week block leave. I could never understand, why in the world did I cry. But it took that period of time to help me recover a little of my problems, and slowly but surely, as I still go to church, still go for cell group, I was on my way to recovery.

It was thanks to the emerge conference, the upcoming Song of Solomon Bible Study, that really energized and enlarge my love for God once again.

In fact, past few days, one guy from my section even say: " Hey, Clement, you know ah, I think you are made for Guards sia."

Me: "What? Why would I want Guards? Its too shiong for me."

Buddy: "Its your Attitude, its like a Guards-man, I really think you will enter Guards next time."

Sometimes I do not know if that is a compliment of anything, but, I know one thing, if I have the attitude of a Guards, that means, I have already acheived what I was searching for, a new hope in my walk during this ASLC. To become stronger and stand out among the crowd so as to inspire and change people, I have to become much stronger. Whether in terms of skill, or techniques, I will muster all I have and train my physical. I will not wellow in self-pity anymore. I will overcome anything that stands in my way. Do things with great pride and no more mediocre work. Its time to rise above the ashes and show the people around you the light that shines.

Christian life is Progressive right? Well, I always link this to army's progressive training. In army, everything is progressive, whether it be running 10 click or even SOC training, its all about conditioning in a progressive manner. To run the 10 click, you will first run 5 click, then 6, then 7, 8 and finally 10. I succeeded in the 10 click trial test and my next test is coming soon.

Similarly, its not like one day you can suddenly pray 1 hour, you will burnt out. So I am learning back to basics myself. I've decided to really just talk to God. Just talking to him from my heart, communicating and talking about certain things that God showed me through this experience.

We solve problems in the World. Well, in army we have a fair share of problems. Will you be disciplined by your own mistakes? Yes you will, the key is to not let this discipline bring you down, but to stand up again after you have understand why you are chastened.

It's not about cutting corners that will get what you want. Actually, most of the people in my batch like to do that, especially two or three of my section mates. Somehow they will always get away with it, but I know that if they were to ever be found out, their punishment will also get double. I tried to tell them to do the right way, but its really up to them to listen. I can't control their lives after all.

Personally I've found too many similarities of the army life towards christian life. After all, we are part of God's army. So if you wanna be effective, just do it. If you can do the thing that was layed before you, just volunteer. If you think that you need "training" in the field of bible study, prayer, fasting. Do the progressive training and start building up. As you begin to do so, you will see an increase in confidence level. What does this confidence level do? It aids you in able to overcome obstacles in front of you. Route marches in christian life is just like going through your toughest time. Probably like SOT, like you business, your school semester, all these problems you face.

"But we must have the end in mind" my OC told us once. That's when I told myself, "Hey, that's Faith!" The substance of things hope, the evidence of things not seen. Even our OC believes in Faith, how cool is that, and he's a muslim religion. I've come to known God is a person who likes to speak to different people to give me comfort, hope, discipline, and i'm still waiting for love to come. And I believe, through SOS bible study, I will be able to find that love, that I lost during army, I lost it due to my own carelessness. I want it back again...

I miss the Times...

Army is draining my spirit away... I have to admit. I finally understand why some people backslided from church because of what army brings. The physical, mental stress that keeps us on the move is just too much for some to handle. I have my fair share of feelings of giving up, to just become one of the people who hates army life, hates serving the country as we are forced to do so for two years. After all, I'm human right? I do have pains, I do complain, and I want to make army a better place for some of my men. But not by testing the system. Although many have done so, you have to be WISE to do so. Basically, every system is flawed, is how you get around to it and be flexible to act according to the situation.

Anyhow, this is not the main thing that I want to say. The thing is, I really really, miss the times I had together in terms of secondary school, poly life no matter how crazy it was for me, and the times my cell group used to do. The times when I served as guitarist to my cell, to usher in the presense of God, to have the Holy Spirit in my life. I remember the times I used to complain about minor things as a civilian, and looking back, I thought how petty I was... Reading on other people's blogs about procrastination and what not really made me think that, its really about personnal discipline and how you work it out. I guess army has its good points. It brings you to another world, so you can also observe the civilian world.

When you can overcome the things army has given you, I believe that even any problem in the civilian world, you can believe that you will solve it. After all, its civilian life. But spiritually, dryness will enter in the army. Because of the schedule, the programme that keeps me tired and unable to even look at God or even spend time with Him. Army poses a threat to keeping Holiness in my character and even to become the light that will influence others. I am training to be a section commander.

I went for the Song of Solomon bible study last night, and the phrase that impacted me the most is this:
" problems are caused by bad leaders with bad leadership, but the solution to this is Good Leadership with good leaders." or something like that.

Meaning, leadership you are called, and as christians we cannot be the PROBLEM because we are leading, but we must lead because Good leadership leads to solving problems. And I had a burden as to why am I giving a try in leader school, whether you are in SISPEC or OCS, it doesn't really matter. What matters is, you are chosen to lead men, so why not make the best out of it, go through it but with discretion on your body limits.

I really do not want to think about OOC, but I just cannot stop thinking of whether if I did, I can go to other vocations. "We have toiled all day and caught nothing, nevertheless, at your word, I will let down the nets" I was suddenly reminded as I type out this post. I believe God is telling me to not give up, because when Peter caught the harvest, he got a fish load and in the end his boat is overflowing.

I thank you, Father. For being there for me, even though I neglected you many times in army, I have always wondered where you were, but actually you were right beside me, giving me the utmost care and concern through the leaders over me. You encourage me through men that I've hated, you've brought me out of darkness through means that I didn't know you could. You pushed my body by your supernatural strength, when I thought I wanted to fail you were behind me, letting my body move when my mind wanted to give up, to give me people to aid me in my long march. You are like the river and I was the pebble that got stuck in the stream, but your currents are strong, even though I am heavy with worries and thoughts to give up, and they carry it through the waters of the river of life. Thank you God, for being the savior you was, and will always be. Thank you, Jesus, for interceding for me, to pray for my undying ability to carry on despite how drained I am. I thank you that all these is definately by your strength. Amen.

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete - Jump Fiesta 2009 Trailer

This is the Trailer hope you enjoy it!

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete - Jump Fiesta 2009 Trailer

This is the Trailer hope you enjoy it!

Popcorn Smasher - Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children (COMPLETE)

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the animation of the highest standards of all. Coming all the way from Japan and produced by the very famous RPG game company in my opinion, SQUARE ENIX, I present to you the review of their finally completed version of Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children, the first movie ever made by the Japan team.

Previously, their story was not really completed for some reason, they have to meet the requirement of the movie theater of their region I suppose. But now they have produced with additional scenes in it. Scenes that were not produced before. There were even changes in the script to make it even clearer.

The most important was the fight scenes. Most of it change, finally adding wounds on the people that were attacked. Dirt marks on faces and clothings after bring skidded on the floor. Scratches on the bike. Cloud was given a new fight scene altogether with his nemesis. For the benefit of all those who haven't watch this show at all, I won't reveal too much.

Definately an increased improvement in graphics, story, action and the flow, is all established. The rating I give for an animation show is usually outrageous. So here goes my verdict. For animation shows I am going to put in more stats for my benefit of analyzing.

General Public: 3/5 stars
Fans of the Game: 4/5 stars
Personal?
Graphics: 4/5
Storyboard and Flow: 4/5
Sequence of Action: 4/5 Pretty good Motion capture if you ask me.

Overall, I would say its 4.5/5 stars. Thats for me.
I'm gonna post a trailer to interest some of you.

Army Journey SISPEC: Posted to ASLC... Sad, but I'm Ok...

ASLC, the dreaded word was read out during the posting my Staff read out to us. It was one of the worst news I've received. Although I know that many of my friends have went through it, but most of my friends are physically 'up' there. So why am I even in ASLC? I only got a pass for IPPT. Now I must get a SILVER??? Also, my SOC is not up to standard, its the 4 arm power stations. Technique yes, but you still need the arm power to overcome it.

Sometimes I just don't understand how the posting works. One thing is for sure, I need to buck up, really buck up on my physical. There's not much playing, more stress, and more adversity qoutient to cope once again. Mentally, I'm going to be drained. Good thing I'm still in Juliet. I will never have ask for a better time to be in ASLC. Yet, I still feel saddened.

I actually broke down and cried when I heard the news. I wanted to have a less stressful army life, now, I have to really give all I've got for this course. During that time, I really hated the army, hated everything and everyone around me. No one can console me. Although, Eugene was there to console me and why am I so expressive??? Why? Did God have something against me? I will be lying if i did not actually say this. I even prayed that I won't get into this course, so why? Why God? You said you will grant the desires of our heart. So why then?

I got angry, confused, furthermore the news was given after our 28 click and we haven't really slept. I went to the cookhouse and eat somewhat alone, emo-ing about the whole thing. I can't say I was the only one, but the whole company was all in emo mode. Its just too much to even let go. The funny question was, why ONLY our SECTION 2 has full strength that went to ASLC? Except for my bed buddy who went to Combat Medic...

And all the sections they got 2 MPs and others that went to armour. What the heck is my whole section going to ASLC? What's worse, they separated our section to go to platoon 2. What in blazes? That made it a whole lot worse.

Nevertheless, I managed to get it together, to get over it. If i do not look forward to ASLC and its training, I will never set my heart to do well or even, survive the course. I WILL survive. I WILL give my 100%. I WILL BECOME A SERGEANT NO MATTER WHAT!

Army Journey: SISPEC BSLC completed!

This whole experience in BSLC? I know I cannot reveal too much about the course but it has been memorable...

This BSLC probably was the most irritating and most enjoyable moments looking back. Although my bed buddy is screwed up, and even some of my section people are screwed up, I also met friends over there, who has helped me through, although I maybe irritating to them by telling them to fall in on time, all the time. I hoped to see some people performing like leaders in my next course... which I would talk about my response later...

I guess for this BSLC, the closest people are actually my section people, not the platoon. Although in the platoon I know a few people, but we are just not as connected as the people in your section. Not like BMT where you need to know everyone in the section. Many stupid jokes were made in my section. Jokes of the day were often created in my whole course and we would just laugh. Sometimes the remarks made by Hsien Yew are funny enough to get everyone cracking.

Then the field camps came in. The Grand Slam? Was really Grand 'Shek', singapore term for tired. Probably for me, I did SBD for the two days I was part of the section. It was killing me, I even had to retake my Navigation test that night and the next day another round of SBD. I nearly thought I could not make it, physically. Yet my mental was always there for me. Somehow, I keep thinking I can't go on, but somehow, my body will keep moving, even if its tired it will move.

That proved true for my 28 click route march, or was it 32 click? Why I questioned this was because, we may have marched the wrong way and in the end took a long route back. But nevertheless, we made it. I was one of the stragglers, the ones who could not take it anymore, but I keep on going. I was on the verge of giving up, but one warrent officer motivated me, and even gave me the salt water to drink so that I can cure my cramps in my legs. It was a tough challenge for me, I even cried as I march. I was touched by my officers care and I know I am not the tough man people always think. I do cry, I am not like the chinese saying of 'Men do not cry'.

I feel what I feel and I have to let something out. That's why, I need an outlet for all my anger, for all my pain. I shout, I need to confess, if not I cannot function. That's what I discovered for myself.

Then throughout the whole march, I was in pain. But I could not say so for myself, I know the others are feeling the way I'm feeling, I just could not take it. My mind was telling me to slow down, to give up. If it weren't for the motivation of my company mates, some were from platoon 2 and 3 who helped me, I won't be able to make it...

Overall the experience in BSLC, was some good training. To the guys who are transfered to another unit, please, become the 3SG and lead your men. Don't give up, we're nearly through.

Army Journey SISPEC: Disdain

I can't say how much it has been a bore in army life. Its the same routine, the friends at my section still suck. Nothing really matters anymore. With people like Sen Yew and Roy in my section, I can only say my perception of selfishness in man, has just gone up another level. No, its not a good thing. I just can't believe that someone could be that selfish! Thinking for themselves, PRETENDING to help others in their section mate. You blanjah me Maggi Mee doesn't mean you've earn my trust as a friend or even respect out of you.

I have come across the laziest people of all, also from my section for some. Procrastination. Why the hell did LEADERSHIP TRAINING become so MEDIOCRE???

There's no sense in giving us leadership roles when we are fresh out from a recruit's life. So you want us to make our own decisions, ok, I understand that. But seriously, how is this system suppose to work out? The appointment holders have all tried their best, except for some which I see they are just not cut out to be a appointment holder. The real problem is the platoon. The people within the company, all of us, are NOT united in one mind, one goal, one achievement. Yes, we only have one thing in mind, Pass out from BSLC. But that is not enough to drive you. Life really sucks as a trainee in SISPEC and I thought BMT was worst? Come on. Standards have got to buck up in SISPEC.

No matter how I detest this place, I really love the freedom they gave, just don't overstep your limits. I wanted slack training too, but when it is time to get it down, to be serious, then show professionalism people! Sense of urgency PLEASE!!!

Popcorn Smasher: The Knowing, The Fast and Furious 4, Dragonball Evolution, Legend of Chun li and Shinjuku Incident.

I have been watching movies since my book outs. What? I love film! Anyway, I've watched these particular ones. All I've watched with someone, except The Fast and Furious 4. Let me start from Legend of Chun Li.

Now, all those gamers of the world will know the name of Chun Li from the famous Street Fighter character in the game. The most beautiful Asian, fast leg kicking character. The movie depicts the story of Chun Li and what was her link with the menace, Bison. The action was surprisingly good, and who else to play Chun Li in america, then the lovely Kristin Kreuk? Chun Li's trademark hair was also shown in the movie which surprisingly, suits Kristin very well. Other than that, story wise it was not bad. It was definately better than the previous Street Fighter movie I saw when I was a kid. Ratings?

3.5/5 For General people.

The Fast and the Furious 4. Dom is back and he is still up to no good. The story starts off when one of his sister was found dead. As the title depicts, its time for some serious car action that will take your head off. This movie I have nothing much to say. If you enjoy the sound of Nitro and boost, as well as the roar of the engine. Plus some police detective sort of work and manouvering a car in a one way tunnel? Then this movie is for you. Sorry for that spoiler. LOL!

3.5/5 for General.

Shinjiku Incident. Jackie Chan movie, so what do you expect? More creative choreography! But no. Jackie did a layback for this movie. He did not do much stuns, but he focused a lot on acting. Which was pretty good. The story is about how the Chinese illigal immigrants came over to Japan and start to live in Shinjiku area, which happens to be one of the territories of the Yakuza clan in Japan. And how Jackie's character manage to survive in that world where his friends got hurt by a Taiwanese Triad gang who was placed in charge of Shinjiku by the one of the Yakuza clan heads. The effects of Traid and Yakuza are nearly the same type. The movie depicts the way the Traids move and the Yakuza handle things. Even the Japanese police are also affected. This movie has alot of things to watch out for. And the story is thrilling.

4/5 stars

Dragonball Evolution. You like action? With a bit of Kamenameha? Then this movie is purely for those who do not know the movie. I must say the girls inside this movie are definately hot, especailly that asian gal. But more than that, the action was not so bad. The problem? Why did they make Piccolo the enemy? WHY?

2/5 stars for Fans of Dragonball
3/5 stars for General

The Knowing.
I watched this just last night. This movie is a thriller-based as well as pre-apocalyptic and how the apocalypse happens. The story was actually told very well. About a time capsule and how they found an envelope written by a student name Lucinda Dawles, who wrote numbers on her paper instead of drawings for the future. When 50 years have passed for the time capsule to be removed, a kid got a hold of that paper and his Dad, a Bio-physist lecturer noticed this piece of paper. And got interested in it. After which he matched up the numbers to be the series of catastrophic events that lead up with each number written. Also, some of the numbers have not been circled by the proffessor because, the even has not happened yet, but it will happen and the number beside the date depicts the number that will die on that day.
Follow the professor as he gets to the bottom of the mystery and tries to save the world by numbers and to encounter one of the most eerie feeling in this movie. Love chills down your spine not because you see ghost or horror movies? This movie is for you.

4/5 stars Generally.

Easter Sunday... The Final Solution!!!

Had a fantastic drama today called the Final Solution. Again our drama team has done another interesting twist to the bible story, which brings a fresh approach to the bible story. The story was about Silas, a scientist, who discovered a drug that will cure sin. He names it, the Final Solution. It was actually used in the change of DNA of a convict already on death row, so that he knows no sin. Because of this he became very rich and successful. Meanwhile, he heard that Jesus was also doing the same thing that he did but through the means of the supernatural. Because of this, Silas find it hard to believe that the healing Jesus performed was real. In fact he healed a murderer of his leprosy and it happened that the murderer was the exact man that killed his wife.

Silas had a past.
His wife was murdered by that man and because of that, his relationship at home with his only daughter has gotten worse. His daughter became rebellious, dealing in things that are not meant to be. Fueled by rage, he administered the Final Solution to his only daughter. After which, his rebellious daughter became obedient. Then, his daughter suffered a side effect and felt that her legs were going limp. Confronted by his secretary, who confessed her love for him, he rejected her. In the end, through her revenge, she reported the Final Solution has been showing side effects which gave the people a slow death in the end. Additionally, she brought the murderer of his wife to Silas. Out of rage, he killed the man. And was sent to the prison waiting to be trailed.

Meanwhile, in the prison. He was tortured and kicked until his leg was broken. Jesus entered that same prison to be tortured as well on the day when he was betrayed. After which, Jesus said that he will heal him, just like the lady with the issue of blood. Silas crawled all the way to where Jesus was with difficulty and touched his leg. Which he was instantly healed.

Then it switch to the part where the people wanted to crucify Jesus. Silas was given the pardon in place of Jesus, who did no wrong, who murdered no one, but was sent to be crucified.

Silas also lost his daughter during those days and have been mentally unstable. Luke was his best friend throughout the whole play, and stopped his friend from administering drugs to the already dead body of Silas's daughter. Then Jesus appeared before them, it was resurrection Sunday. Silas asked the lord for forgiveness and confessed his desires for his daughter to live. By Faith he believed, and his daughter was also resurrected from the dead.

It was an interesting story. Just wanted to share it.

Leadership... What does it mean to me?

Today, my best buddy asked me a very simple, but deep question. What qualifies you to be a leader? What makes you different then your men?

I was told that they were asked such questions while they were under stressful conditions. It was a hard thing to answer as it took me awhile to think. I answered and said that it was because, under one of the test, I was able to work under stressful conditions. But to a certain extent.

"Nope, you are not answering my question. What makes you different than a man, why are you chosen to lead? You are answering me what it takes to be a commander."

Now I feel insecure. For many times I wondered how am I going to lead men in a shallow manner. I have never thought of such questions in my life. But when the question comes to you, and especially when you are in Leadership School, you must have the desire as well as the qualifications to be a leader! There must be something in you that makes you different! I could not grasp the answer which in the end my friend told me.

"The answer is simple. I answered to my officer in charge, that I have what it takes to think two steps ahead of my men." or something like that. It means that, leadership is not about physical. But if you have physical, it will be a bonus somehow to lead men. That keeps me thinking. Leaders also have to maintain self-discipline in order to lead by example. The goal of the leader is to lead in situations where your men are all tired but you are the one standing, able to make decisions and execute in a fast manner. I hope to be able to like that guy, high endurance, gold IPPT, and SOC passed with a great timing.

But all these comes with effort. No pain, no gain.

I have to start empowering myself and tell myself that I am a leader, I need that "aggressive" mentality in me so that I will be able to have the confidence to lead. Always be ethical to be that role model and to ensure that my section is able to function well and to not give up.

Army Journey 2: SISPEC, Packing and Ready...

You can say this is phase 2 of Army life. I was rather happy at first when I heard I was able to attend SISPEC. But then I began to think about the trainings I have to endure again. Oh boy... I do know that its always in the mind, bu sometimes you will just think about the trainings and you WILL feel 'sian'.

There is also the fact that I will be meeting new people in this camp. I really do hope I can mingle with the new group. I mostly notice that I am rather passive when it comes to making friends. Probably because I am afraid that they won't like me for who I am. Like how some of my platoon mates in Whiskey gave me a hard time by not making preparations. Then again, I have to live up with such nonsense, that means in SISPEC there's bound to be such people. Sigh, I wish I can make a real friend in there, and not just a mutual friend because we are in the same situation.

Packing up is going to be easy. I stashed all the army stuff to one side so its easy for me to know what to just dump in. The problem is always stuffing everything into one bag... Also, I'm not sure how SISPEC bunks are like... I'm going to assume its going to be the same as BMT. Small cupboard, with many beds. A fan to clean maybe. Yup, back to stand by areas and bunk again. SOC again, IPPT again. Haiz... I'm always worried when it comes to strange stuff I don't know. Maybe I'm like my mom in this sense. In fact, I noticed the "mom" streak in me the moment I enter army. I was able to wake up early, wash my own stuff, because I followed my mother's footsteps in that sense. See, in the end, there's always a feminine side of discipline in every man. The only option is, is man willing to make that stand? To stay discipline when the time requires?

Its rather, not impossible, but somehow inpropable that men should stay discipline all the time. After all, even though we are men, we love to have fun.

I can't believe I'm going to miss the Men's Conference in church due to my early posting. I was disappointed that I won't be able to make it, but I know, SISPEC will be the next training phase to be a role model. Its never easy in life. But if we face it with a positive attitude. Then we will make it through.

Army Journey: POP LOH!!! First Phase Complete... Onto the next.

Finally! I am out of BMTC!!! So glad that i manage to tahan the 24 click route march. I nearly wanted to fall out around 18 click but I manage to hold it up, using the POP parade as the motivation. Also I manage to tahan the Graduation Parade which is held right after our 24 click. Of course there was a little intermission betwwen the 24 click and the GP. Where we change to a fresh set of clothes and even eat lunch.

Well, the GP was the most memorable. We always complain during the process. But when the big day came, somehow, everyone managed to stay in shape. The formations were ok and all the simple commands were done well. When we threw the Jockey Cap, I was elated. Manage to tau pok a 2LT Suba. Haha... That was hilarious... Thinking back, actually army is ok. The thing is, our mind will intepret it to an exaggerated extent that it inculcates fear.

Our goal then, is to get over your fear, overcome the event and all is well!

I can't help but feel sad when I saw all my commanders that have groomed us for the past 3months, seeing us off at the ferry terminal. Although they weren't perfect, but they are good commanders. Yes, even the platoon sergeant. We may complain about many things, but ultimately, they are still our "big brothers'" in camp. I start to look back also at the things that our platoon did, the funny stuff, the tough times, the tekan sessions, the trainings. It has been fun. Loads of funny scenes were made over there. Like our platoon sergeant said, I wished I had a camera to capture all the funny moments and make it our own Singapore's Funniest Home Video. But of course cameras are not allowed. I remember all the blur things we blurted out and all the funny things we say without utilizing the brain.

The comments we make to the sergeants and officers I will never forget them. Though my PC left us 3 days before our 24 click route march, but I will always remember his speeches, how he cared for me during my adjustment period. I was like a kid. Lost in an army world. Don't tell me you didn't feel that way during your first time in NS? Well if you did... then its my problem.

However, I grew up from his encouragement. When I had RT, he was there to give us a moral support. It was the first time I realized that weekends are too important. Overall, BMTC was an experience, whether was it field camp, wild boars, range. All of it, was memorable. Too many funny things happen in those events. And too many memories to write it down. But I know that it will stay right here in my heart.

Prayer for today:
I just want to thank God, for being my shield and strength. To the Holy Spirit who kept me on my toes, helping me to wake up early, to instill personal discipline into my life. Thank you Jesus, for interceding for me, for not making unjustified punishment to occur. Even if it did occur, you intercede for me to pull me through. And the Holy Spirit empowered me to succeed in all the trainings. If it weren't for you, I won't be able to find the strength to "survive" the trainings. I ask that you continue to guide me, to not let me neglect the trainings that was provided for me. To prepare me for what is to come, as only the First Phase is complete. Whether I go to command school I lift it up into your hands.

Thank you God, in the name of Jesus. Amen.

4 More Days to GP + POP!!!

4 more days people. 4 more days till I am officially a private. BUT, I haven't arrived yet. There is still the 24 click route march ahead. Nobody likes that. But its a requirement, therefore, I need my mind to be strong during that period.

Other than the march there is still the parade to go right after the march. Everything is mind over body, that is what the army teaches. What about the bible? Does it teach Mind over Body? Its actually called Faith to a certain extent.

With Faith, you envision in your mind that you will overcome this obstacle, coupled with actions in order for the substance of things hope for to materialize. This also comes with effort placed in your faith. To overcome despite the pain you are going through, also known as Long suffering.

Jesus had that characteristic too. But did we understand? No. Even through army, we can never fully understand long suffering that Jesus went through. Not only was it a physical pain, but it was the mental pain which he had to endure.

Enough preaching. Got to get to Jurong West building for my service!!! Pioneer station here I come!!!

POP goes the Weasel... in 2 weeks!

Its been a long time since I've blogged. Army life is still going on. And the first phase is nearly through! WHOOHOO!!!

Its two more weeks to POP!!! I really cannot wait for the moment to come.

Seriously, I think my platoon is the worst there is. Loads of backstabbing, loads of loafers. You have to scold them to get them moving, and they take advantage of the kindness given by the officer or sergeants. Please, do not take things for granted.

Not to mention. Nobody volunteers. Instead they arrow here and arrow there. VOLUNTEER for Goodness sake! When I asked for people to help me in Singing an item, nobody was even WILLING to give it a try. I like people who are willing and are versatile in situations. I am actually not a guy like that, but I'm striving to gain that form of character, where I want willing individuals to give their best. When you volunteer, you show your sincerity and effort which you are willing to put in. Also it means that you have set your mind on the things you want to accomplish. In other words, you won't want to 'sabo' your friend.

In the army, I meet different people, with different ways of showing the same kind of character. Laziness, slander, quick to get angry, injustice in their speech - And sad to say, I am slowly getting influenced. That's when the bible is suppose to be my insulator from this culture. Somehow I am able to stop it, but some things have changed in me. Language wise, vulgarities have entered my tongue... Also the lust in me has just tripled... Its so hard to stay insulated. But yet I know that my God has been faithful. I have already made the commitment that I won't be into a BGR relationship till this 2 years is over. Once this 2 years is over, whether or not I can find a partner, is all up to my this 2 years...

My prayer for tonight would be salvation and mercy over my life. That God will show everlasting love throughout these two years of army. Overseeing that I will not be just insulating but I will penetrate into the lives of men, in the army. I wish to teach, to be a leader, and I really want to be an officer... or a specialist. It doesn't really matter. So long as I have a certain leadership role.

I want to impact lives through my influence, but I can't with vulgarities in my mouth. I have to kick off the habit. I need to. God help me in my moral standards, help me keep your laws that are engraved on my heart. Help me God that you will use the Holy Spirit to guide me through the 2 years. Let not the fire leave me, but burn ever brighter so that I can be a lighthouse in the darkest night. Amen.

I've Been Thinking...

Its been physically demanding and strenuous for this pass two months since I entered army and I've been giving lots of time to think in camp as well.

This are some of the random thoughts I came up with, take note they are random:

Discipline is a choice and a commitment you have to take. So far Discipline in army has taught me that so long you discipline your thoughts, doing things fast with a sense of urgency. Movement not to slouch and never drag your feet. All these minor disciplines will play an important role to character building.

Accompanied to Discipline you also need effort. Its like faith without action is dead, therefore we need to really take action if you want to boost your faith. Pull-ups have taught me that. If you do not put effort into what you want to achieve, then results will never happen.

What's true in the natural its also true in the spiritual. Lets say you want to get this breakthrough in a certain area in your life, probably financially you need a breakthrough. Well you have to pray for it and ask God for ideas, YET, you cannot just simply after praying stop where you are. You have to get up and do something about your problem and let the holy spirit guide your thoughts for a solution to your problem. Sometimes, you may not see the fruits of the effort you put in, but eventually it will start to bear fruit if you keep on trusting him and accompany faith with action.

Trusting God was the hardest thing I learned from my army experience. I struggle sometimes to think why do I have to go through such meaningless problems and some are ridiculously impractical. Yet somehow, whenever I pray for the situation to come out smooth it has always happened.

There is more to come but I've decided to post this few which I've been through the most.

Army Journey: Troubles Keep Piling... Oh here comes the light!!!

Great... Just booked out, but the feeling is only short lived. Had to book in tomorrow and earlier than the rest of the company... Why? Coz, I failed my IPPT fitness test. Good news is, I broke my egg for pull up! The bad news is, I still fail the pull up static station as it requires 6 to pass. Also, my standing board jump is still not improving.

Because of that, I have to return to camp early to train. Its stupid. Further more, on Sunday its another mini-field camp we have to go. Great. One field camp over, than here comes another. But the thing that really motivates me is, that after this mini camp, there will be one more week of mini camp. After that, its straight on to POP!!! WHOO HOO!!!

So POP will always be there, but the journey is short-lived, no matter how long we think it is. Well, back to washing my uniform, its incredibly filthy!!! Thanks to field camp.

Till then.

Army Journey: pre-Field Camp and Happy Chinese New Year!

Its the Lunar New Year on the Chinese Calendar and we celebrate the Chinese New Year! Its one of the biggest events held in Singapore, after all, majority of Singaporeans are Chinese. This is also one of the times where Ang Pows come into play.

Ang Pow, or Red Packets, are packets containing money, given by those who are married. This is to show generosity and good fortune for all the non-married couples and of course for the children, they just think of the money and nothing else.

Chinese New Year used to be something I look forward to. But somehow, I did not feel the spirit of the celebration at all. Its like, I don't feel any happiness throughout the whole visitation. Its more of a forced smile... Probably because I knew that Field Camp is on this Wednesday... Army again.

I guess that was what prevented me from even enjoying myself. Usually I would talk loads but not this time. This time I kept watching the TV, being anti-social and a little bit "sian".

I kept thinking about the field camp and I really do not want to live through that hell that everyone of commanders talked about. I hope that I can survive the hardship in the camp. I really hope to survive these 6 days with not much food and still have to exercise. I pray for wisdom to come upon me that I can absorb what was being said and execute it accordingly.

Army Journey: Training to be Soldier (Part 2)

Speculations of whether army life is boring? Well it is. Trust me. Regimental life is not a life you want constantly. Its where all your freedom is robbed, every little detail you will get punishment.
"I don't want to lead an army life, I just want to lead a simple life"

This phrase will come to mind every time we get a tekan session. Its not that I'm not used to it. I'm just so used to it that I'm sick and tired of tekan sessions. However I do know that every tekan session comes a lesson learnt. I just pray that there won't be those unecessary tekan sessions where they ask you to do ridiculous things. Even if they did ask, all we can do is 'suck thumb' and just do it. That's army life.

Not much to say about this post anyway. I hope that I can get out of this life soon...

Army Journey: Training to be Soldier...(Part 1)

Army life is a very disciplined life. And also its the kind of life where you are vulnerable to Orders given by your superiors. Its also a test of humbleness, decisiveness, initiative, as well as brotherly-kindness, after all, you will be staying with your bunch of bunk mates for the next few months to come.

That's not the point I wanted to speak about. I actually wrote a diary concerning my thoughts throughout the weeks of confinement and how it has really change my perspective about life. My friend, who went to army earlier, told me I would have this sudden change. Some people won't get it and continue to stay the same. But I want to change me character. I want it to be more firm and more discipline but at the same time, I do not want to lose the soft side of me, which makes me who I am.

When I was separated with my parents for 1 week, only then did I realize I missed home. Which tells me family is very important. Also I have been praying and God has been answering my prayers steadily as I ask for a quick muscle built up so I can physically improve. Also I ask for a bio-clock which will automatically wake up after 7 hours of rest. That is provided I sleep at lights out time itself.

Other then asking God, when I had time I did some bible reading which God encouraged me through the book of Titus. Just read the first few chapters. Its about insulation, penetration and how you treat the world out there and not let it treat you. There were times when I am down, and I just flip open the bible and it came to psalms. Its there that I really felt encouraged by David's expression of desperation.

So I'm still surviving army life and in army there is a phrase, "What doesn't kill you, Makes you Stronger." So I'm going to do my best and since its already the new year of 2009 I might as well make a new year resolution!

I will be able to do pull ups this year

I will be able to set new records for every IPPT station.(NAPFA Test fyi)

I would like to get to command school. Though I'm not sure which I will get but my friend has been inspiring me about going to OCS. Yes the training is tough, but you learn more, you get more benefits, the only sidetrack is you need to serve the nation longer.

Now my career path is still not set. Music, or animation? Well, I haven't been drawing. Music I have been playing. But its still hard to set my mind to such paths. I just hope I can come to a conclusion soon. Well, lets tackle army first...