Hopelessly... Merciful...

Personally, I do not understand why is it I think the way I think? Get it?

Rephrase, I do not understand how was it that I derive the conclusion to my own thoughts on certain situations. Example would be, I will always think that my section commanders are not listening to my orders due to the fact that I was once a 3SG and also when I was a new PS.

My appointment was in the end neglected and thought of as RUBBISH from my fellow peers as they go ahead with things that I know will not work out. Therefore I just stop talking altogether. Now that was my REACTION to my Thoughts.

I can't help but feel that for the past few months I was in VIPER. I don't really feel like a family. More like a forced Family Union that currently, some of my cousins and younger generations are showing. Even on Facebook. Nevertheless, I will still put on a good show. Do what I can for my platoon and irregardless of what other platoons say about my platoon. I know I have did my best.

Its just that sometimes, those few PSes that love to shoot my platoon. I understand that my platoon is the way it is. Then so be it. Why the hell you interfere? I finally understand why Ridzwan told me to FUCK OFF whenever I try to run his platoon. Its a nagging feeling in me that nearly exploded. But everytime I suppress it.

There were times I really wanted to just shout at my fellow sergeants to stay out of it. You want to talk to them? Can. But you want to talk down my platoon then be ready. That was my initial thoughts at first. Until I told myself that they are my commanders and I cannot "control" them like Recruits.

This applies the sameway to my fellow Sec Comds. So much for being a PS. No one really listens. Ask them to do things they will consider two to three things before they start doing. And they did it TO ME ONLY! Their OWN PS!!! FUCK YOU BASTARDS!

So far the new spec has proven humble and irritable due to the fact of his way of lying to us about certain issues. But nevertheless he's ok. I'm talking about those that entered my platoon since the previous batch of PTP. They think that just because they went through a PTP phase they know their stuff. They are seriously wrong. Instead, they find new ways to smoke out and from all people, ME! Their PS.

Then All you section commanders just FUCK OFF LA! What for I need you guys who will not listen to me? Although yes you did your JOB. But there are more things then your Job scope.

One of them said to me and I will always remember. "You think you got do this before? You don't know how tough it is!" That time that sec comd was doing a demonstration for Fire Movement. I only pointed out some mistakes to let him know. He took it the wrong way.

Maybe it was the way I phrase my words. I should have complimented him first. The next thing was to discretely tell him his mistakes.

Still, he told me off that day. And I was freaking piss. He did not know that I went through the same shit as him, just that it was more shiong. I did it with my fellow batch, and we did it, nicely. Double J, former OC Viper, took us one side and applaude us in our very UP demonstration.

He still is my Sec Comd, and is still getting on my nerves. I can't help but to always want to put him in a difficult situation as a retaliation for his mistake. In the end, my moral values got the better of me.

I'm sick and tired of being nice, of being merciful, but in the end... I can't. I just can't.

Failure and its Beautiful Nature...

Many of us who went through Failure, especially Singaporeans, have seen it as a form of Taboo. It strikes in every heart of the Asian community in Singapore, that is why our education is our number one priority, our goals for an ONWARD SINGAPORE and our busy lives, contributes to the Taboo of Failure.

Now lets say you failed. Your brain registers a thought that "You are a Failure." Then when the environment somewhat confirms your Perspective, in the end it takes form within your Sub-concious. Which ultimately defines the way you think in future. Its a little psycological, yet I have seen men in the army who are just like that. They didn't know it. Explaining it to them does not help it. The only way we can help this form of people is to guide them all the way till the end.

Its not easy, and simple. Patience is required and alot of understanding is needed. Less condemnation and more love to be given to this bunch of individual. But army being army. Results Orientated, less humane in its doctrines see this form of treatments relatively as "sissy" and "the person is too feminine" despite him being a guy. This are low stereotypical levels. The rest will think he "faked" the injury. But what can we say?

We are not psychics who can read people's mind like super heroes. We can only do what we do best as humans. Show concern and love, to cover-up but not to spoil. To unleash wrath on the wrong doings but to stay lovingly towards the human.