I've always questioned myself on the fact that I am stagnated. Probably, considering the circumstances I am in, I do feel the frustration that I can't really do much in army. I mean, my concerns are now on the Platoon and their needs as well as the Company establishment, after all I am a Platoon Sergeant.
That is why I admire people who can balance their lives to pray and seek God even in the midst of their business. Although people keep telling me to pray on the island, but I do not have any partners in particular to pray with. I feel very alienated and a little down for the fact that in my company I am the only Christian left. I can't help but feel that I am in a Daniel situation. Yet, I do not display much of his qualities. I realised my judgemental attitude has gotten stronger and more irritable then before. I wonder why I do that. Why do I feel irritated about certain attitudes that commanders express. I know that they are only human. But so am I. Your time is over, but that to me is an excuse for being Lazy... To me. I too am guilty for such stuff. I did say that my time is over too, but I knew I was just being lazy. I have to buck up on this area.
Recently I have been debating myself whether I should go to FZD School of Design or 3Dsense Media School. FZD focuses on design and concept whereas, 3Dsense is the package for a digital artist in the field of animation and special effects. I can't decide yet as there are too many factors to consider, one of them being my faith to draw. I know I am not an artist, but I love to be involved in concepts and designing. But ever since I stepped into army, there was just too many routine cycles that presses down on my creativity and now I haven't been thinking of much ideas. I have to start to stir myself up and to move on in life after army.
My alternative could be business or psychology. I don't understand why is it I do not have any drive at all to study like Kean Mun is but I know that if I do not do something now, I will suffer my own consequence for being complacent, lazy and just being unproductive. I hate for the fact that I have this lazy side of me and fear that pulls me back on my destiny for christ, whatever my destination is...
I tried praying about it, visualizing myself in the field of animation and movie making, but I do not sense Him much since I entered in this literally God-Forsaken place. Many people forsake their religion and even relationship with their God when they enter this place. I realized that my faith was not even as much as a mustart seed because of the routine atmosphere and security I was given. Somehow I knew that SOT may be one of the ways to get me back on my feet. And I remembered clearly, that God wanted me to go to SOT. Although I am somewhat fearful, but I've already planned it in my schedule itself. I hope to obey this calling to God. As for my weird dream of the future for my family, I hope that it will come to pass base on the choices we make on this Earth we live in.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Take all of me
Take all of me, I give you my all for more of you...
This phrase just appeared in my head as I start wondering what do I type for my upcoming post for this blog. One thing I realized over the past few weeks, that I have been relying on my own strength all this while when I am in Viper Coy. I can't exactly say that God was not part of everything, but I know that I did not lean on him. Either that, or I just lost the touch I had at Asia Conference again. Is this thing normal? Am I just not attune spiritually enough? How do I know if I am Spiritual enough to sense him?
I understand that through PRAYER is how we communicate with him. Probably that is my answer. But my circumstance is right now in the way of such "Luxury". I know that if that is the case, I need to make the sacrifice of my time. However, my job scope of being in the army, is both mentally and physically taxing. I can't really say its an EXCUSE not to pray, after all I do pray at night whenever I can. All I'm trying to say is, I don't think I sense him much whenever I'm in my camp. Its as if, I am alone although I believe that He is within me. Yet my lifestyle depicts a different approach to what I envision myself to be. I wanted to be like Christ, after all it is out goal as Christians, to use Jesus as an example of engaging the World but not compromising His love for God and for His People. I can't say that I have been like that and I do admit that I can be judgemental and have realized that I have been ever since I came into army.
I took a personality test and I had ENFP... Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. Now? INFJ. The only thing changed was the E and P changed to I and J. I have become Introverted, and Judging. Now I do not like my judgemental self as I can be a pain in the ass to some people and also detestable to others. Because I judge without thinking the time and place of event and I do not really care about Politics and shoot my mouth off. I realized that it was a big mistake and also stupid because I am demeening somebody this way... Therefore I still keep my Perceiving style because I realized that I was only 18% Judging, that means, my Perceiving is still there, the only thing was I had to Judge because of my current Job Scope as a PS.
What does all my rantings got to do with the First Line? All I'm trying to say is, I want back the time where I gave God my purpose and my life to support the cell group, to rise up again, to stand in the gap, to make friends properly, to be filled once again, to have the hunger and thirst for the word, back to bible study again, back to worship and praise, back to playing my guitar, back to the time in Emerge Conference where I gave my heart in exchange for more of him...
Take all of me, I give you my all for more of you
Move in your Power, Open the Heavens Lord Today
Take all of me, Make us your Light for all to see
Change this World we Live in
Let your Harvest in
Let Your Harvest in
Take all of me for more of you
All Consuming Fire
Take all of me for more of you
You're my Hearts Desire
This phrase just appeared in my head as I start wondering what do I type for my upcoming post for this blog. One thing I realized over the past few weeks, that I have been relying on my own strength all this while when I am in Viper Coy. I can't exactly say that God was not part of everything, but I know that I did not lean on him. Either that, or I just lost the touch I had at Asia Conference again. Is this thing normal? Am I just not attune spiritually enough? How do I know if I am Spiritual enough to sense him?
I understand that through PRAYER is how we communicate with him. Probably that is my answer. But my circumstance is right now in the way of such "Luxury". I know that if that is the case, I need to make the sacrifice of my time. However, my job scope of being in the army, is both mentally and physically taxing. I can't really say its an EXCUSE not to pray, after all I do pray at night whenever I can. All I'm trying to say is, I don't think I sense him much whenever I'm in my camp. Its as if, I am alone although I believe that He is within me. Yet my lifestyle depicts a different approach to what I envision myself to be. I wanted to be like Christ, after all it is out goal as Christians, to use Jesus as an example of engaging the World but not compromising His love for God and for His People. I can't say that I have been like that and I do admit that I can be judgemental and have realized that I have been ever since I came into army.
I took a personality test and I had ENFP... Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. Now? INFJ. The only thing changed was the E and P changed to I and J. I have become Introverted, and Judging. Now I do not like my judgemental self as I can be a pain in the ass to some people and also detestable to others. Because I judge without thinking the time and place of event and I do not really care about Politics and shoot my mouth off. I realized that it was a big mistake and also stupid because I am demeening somebody this way... Therefore I still keep my Perceiving style because I realized that I was only 18% Judging, that means, my Perceiving is still there, the only thing was I had to Judge because of my current Job Scope as a PS.
What does all my rantings got to do with the First Line? All I'm trying to say is, I want back the time where I gave God my purpose and my life to support the cell group, to rise up again, to stand in the gap, to make friends properly, to be filled once again, to have the hunger and thirst for the word, back to bible study again, back to worship and praise, back to playing my guitar, back to the time in Emerge Conference where I gave my heart in exchange for more of him...
Take all of me, I give you my all for more of you
Move in your Power, Open the Heavens Lord Today
Take all of me, Make us your Light for all to see
Change this World we Live in
Let your Harvest in
Let Your Harvest in
Take all of me for more of you
All Consuming Fire
Take all of me for more of you
You're my Hearts Desire
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Asia Conference + CGI Summary
I have just been revived by a mighty river of the holy spirit for the past 5 days of Asia Conference. Despite my tired self due to unforseen circumstances, I was able to listen to the messages of the famous speakers from the CGI board members. I am very inspired, refreshed and pumped as of Sunday night.
Once again, Dr. A.R. Bernard has exceeded my expectations. I thought he was going to bring the house down again with his very educational, insightful and inspirational messages. He didn't just bring the house down. The whole world was about to split just from his messages. They were mind-boggling and blowing at the same time, talking about the cultural mandate to a new level! The first session he gave was to give all of us a WORLD VIEW or what he liked to call, COSMOLOGY, of the relationship between the church and the world. After giving us the overview he came to reveal to us that our focus of the Biblical World View is to Restore all that is its original intent that God made it to be.
On the Second Session, he talked about the Christian World View and he gave us a boost on our role in this Cultural Mandate. We are suppose to bring restoration to the culture through God's World view. He uses the Prodigal son to explain of a christian walk during their time at cultural mandate. They tried to go along their own way until one day the world swallow him up and he was left to the pigs. That was when Pastor starts to get into his message. The prodigal son had a revelation of his Self-Concept. Before he conceptualize himself as a person who is good for nothing, dwelling in sin and thus his self-esteem was affected. However, in the pig sty, he found a new concept in himself. He had revelation on his self-concept as being the servant of his fathers house and he was willing to humble himself to go for it.
This potrayal is exactly how most of us went through. We maybe in our pig sty, right now, the circumstance is not to our favour, and we want to just give up, fall into depression and get trapped in our mind. That is exactly what the devil wants you to be in, a state of loss and low self-esteem.
But here is the good news. The prodigal son all of a sudden went into a state of new self-concept. He remembered that he was part of his father's house and although he knew he sinned, he still humbled himself and look forward to going to his father's hiouse and join his servants. The prodigal son had a new World View and where did he thought of this? Right where he was, in the pig sty!
Our self-concept is the image of God, where we are created to be in his likeness, his true nature. Whatever God hates, we hated as well. Whatever God likes we like it too. And whatever mindset God has, we can have it too. In the middle of circumstances unfavourable to you, you display a faith, a cosmology, a world view, a biblical world view, a new self-concept that you are the image of God. You can speak to your situation, face adversaries without fear but with faith. Stay humble and with a serving attitude, and to overcome obstacles in life, why? Because you are the image of God. That is the self-concept that we should have. And because we have this self-concept, it is time to narrow it down to your self-esteem. Because by knowing that you are made in the image of God, you find yourself boosting the self-esteem in you. Once you felt lousy, now its time to close in the gap of self-concept and self-esteem so that we can be a light despite the darkness, form relationships like never before, keep the faith and to have visions out of this world. To be living the cultural mandate where Christ is in our Culture.
Once again, Dr. A.R. Bernard has exceeded my expectations. I thought he was going to bring the house down again with his very educational, insightful and inspirational messages. He didn't just bring the house down. The whole world was about to split just from his messages. They were mind-boggling and blowing at the same time, talking about the cultural mandate to a new level! The first session he gave was to give all of us a WORLD VIEW or what he liked to call, COSMOLOGY, of the relationship between the church and the world. After giving us the overview he came to reveal to us that our focus of the Biblical World View is to Restore all that is its original intent that God made it to be.
On the Second Session, he talked about the Christian World View and he gave us a boost on our role in this Cultural Mandate. We are suppose to bring restoration to the culture through God's World view. He uses the Prodigal son to explain of a christian walk during their time at cultural mandate. They tried to go along their own way until one day the world swallow him up and he was left to the pigs. That was when Pastor starts to get into his message. The prodigal son had a revelation of his Self-Concept. Before he conceptualize himself as a person who is good for nothing, dwelling in sin and thus his self-esteem was affected. However, in the pig sty, he found a new concept in himself. He had revelation on his self-concept as being the servant of his fathers house and he was willing to humble himself to go for it.
This potrayal is exactly how most of us went through. We maybe in our pig sty, right now, the circumstance is not to our favour, and we want to just give up, fall into depression and get trapped in our mind. That is exactly what the devil wants you to be in, a state of loss and low self-esteem.
But here is the good news. The prodigal son all of a sudden went into a state of new self-concept. He remembered that he was part of his father's house and although he knew he sinned, he still humbled himself and look forward to going to his father's hiouse and join his servants. The prodigal son had a new World View and where did he thought of this? Right where he was, in the pig sty!
Our self-concept is the image of God, where we are created to be in his likeness, his true nature. Whatever God hates, we hated as well. Whatever God likes we like it too. And whatever mindset God has, we can have it too. In the middle of circumstances unfavourable to you, you display a faith, a cosmology, a world view, a biblical world view, a new self-concept that you are the image of God. You can speak to your situation, face adversaries without fear but with faith. Stay humble and with a serving attitude, and to overcome obstacles in life, why? Because you are the image of God. That is the self-concept that we should have. And because we have this self-concept, it is time to narrow it down to your self-esteem. Because by knowing that you are made in the image of God, you find yourself boosting the self-esteem in you. Once you felt lousy, now its time to close in the gap of self-concept and self-esteem so that we can be a light despite the darkness, form relationships like never before, keep the faith and to have visions out of this world. To be living the cultural mandate where Christ is in our Culture.
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