One of my favourite songs so far. I heard this when I watched Hannah Montanna the Movie. It was beautiful the lyrics. The melody was beautiful as well. Enjoy how a caterpiller become a butterfly, fly away...
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Only Human....
If any of you that have been visiting my blog at all, my personality results at the sides have changed. I'm more introverted, and I became a generous artist. Probably, because army life is an alien to me, so I've been quite closed up about myself. I think more too, probably too much. I hope to revive my orange side quickly. Cause that's mostly like me, reckless, tend to jump in instead of walk in. But I just can't be myself in army. Why? My friends would ask me.
I just felt provoked that my freedom was compromised. I stepped in with the mentality that I want to build up my discipline level. Also, I wanted to be physically involved. Yet sometimes, I rely too much on my discipline, I kinda found out that I keep to myself. I felt that no one wants to really know me and my life. After all, whenever there was a chance to intro myself, whatever I say seems to fall on deaf ears, there wasn't much response from the crowd. In other words... I don't feel acceptance.
Especially since I've changed cell, I actually, honestly speaking, don't really feel accepted at all. I felt like an alien in my cell sometimes. I rarely interact with them due to my own screwed up schedule, after all, its army. The places where they want to out reach was simply too far away from home. Then I realised, I am actually pleasing people every where, so that I can get acceptance.
I also realised, that this is not the way to gain acceptance. You keep giving and giving to that altar, but its not enough. Today's sermon. I have to stop, and realise I have already gain acceptance in the eyes of God. Yet I can't help but think, if God accepted me, then why is it, up till now, I cannot find acceptance yet? Its all about attitude again.
I need to buck up. But yet I just can't help but feel that way sometimes. I am after all, only human. Sure you may have a strong mind, but unlike my officer friend, I am not that strong. Although I can endure, but that does not neccessarily make me a strong minded fella.
I just felt provoked that my freedom was compromised. I stepped in with the mentality that I want to build up my discipline level. Also, I wanted to be physically involved. Yet sometimes, I rely too much on my discipline, I kinda found out that I keep to myself. I felt that no one wants to really know me and my life. After all, whenever there was a chance to intro myself, whatever I say seems to fall on deaf ears, there wasn't much response from the crowd. In other words... I don't feel acceptance.
Especially since I've changed cell, I actually, honestly speaking, don't really feel accepted at all. I felt like an alien in my cell sometimes. I rarely interact with them due to my own screwed up schedule, after all, its army. The places where they want to out reach was simply too far away from home. Then I realised, I am actually pleasing people every where, so that I can get acceptance.
I also realised, that this is not the way to gain acceptance. You keep giving and giving to that altar, but its not enough. Today's sermon. I have to stop, and realise I have already gain acceptance in the eyes of God. Yet I can't help but think, if God accepted me, then why is it, up till now, I cannot find acceptance yet? Its all about attitude again.
I need to buck up. But yet I just can't help but feel that way sometimes. I am after all, only human. Sure you may have a strong mind, but unlike my officer friend, I am not that strong. Although I can endure, but that does not neccessarily make me a strong minded fella.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Army Journey SISPEC ASLC : The Real Course Starts... Now..
Its been quite slack so far in Juliet. Slack in terms of waiting time, and live firings for these whole month. Also, we have completed our first Field Camp. Its been great training as well as a little demoralizing to end the 1 month in ASLC with a field camp. After all, anything outfield always ask for more walking, more defending, more crap to face eventually.
The OOC feeling is still in me, but after hearing stories of Taiwan, I just feel so alive! But I still have the OOC feeling every time I'm in training. I guess in truth, mentally I can only handle so far, and also, nobody was very cooperative at that time. Too many individuals with individualistic thinking and less team cohesiveness, that was the lack in this batch, and all the previous batches I've ben through. Probably, this would carry on and I could not control the situation.
But I can control myself, and my thoughts on the outcome.
Anyway, I have been having less sleep, its like I can't stop thoughts running through my head, information and nonsense have been activating when I wanted to sleep. Also, I have not had a good appetite as well recently. I need to understand why do I do the same things again and again and again, simply boring to the core.
I was informed during the field camp, that the course for ASLC really starts now, this is where we have to prepare for our next outfield which I heard it was going to be pretty nasty in terms of physical. I need to mentally prepare.
My staff sergent told me that for the Overseas training, I won't have to worry much on the training and my thinking, because basically, once we get there, we will all have the mentallity to graduate and we will do whatever it takes. Theres also the R&R to consider too. And since, I'll be heading overseas 2 days after my birthday, I'm going to take that as a birthday present. =)
Till then.
The OOC feeling is still in me, but after hearing stories of Taiwan, I just feel so alive! But I still have the OOC feeling every time I'm in training. I guess in truth, mentally I can only handle so far, and also, nobody was very cooperative at that time. Too many individuals with individualistic thinking and less team cohesiveness, that was the lack in this batch, and all the previous batches I've ben through. Probably, this would carry on and I could not control the situation.
But I can control myself, and my thoughts on the outcome.
Anyway, I have been having less sleep, its like I can't stop thoughts running through my head, information and nonsense have been activating when I wanted to sleep. Also, I have not had a good appetite as well recently. I need to understand why do I do the same things again and again and again, simply boring to the core.
I was informed during the field camp, that the course for ASLC really starts now, this is where we have to prepare for our next outfield which I heard it was going to be pretty nasty in terms of physical. I need to mentally prepare.
My staff sergent told me that for the Overseas training, I won't have to worry much on the training and my thinking, because basically, once we get there, we will all have the mentallity to graduate and we will do whatever it takes. Theres also the R&R to consider too. And since, I'll be heading overseas 2 days after my birthday, I'm going to take that as a birthday present. =)
Till then.
Saturday, June 06, 2009
The Christian Life vs Army Life
I've realized something. Probably many men have came with this conclusion but, actually, there are many similarities to the Christian life towards the army life. Both are practically the same.
When I first enlisted I began to start talking more to God, to pray. Then hard times in the form of physical activity. After which, the 'Fighting Spirit' will kick in and somehow you overcome the obstacle. Its like Faith, you put your faith in your own abilities and sure you may fail your SOC, your IPPT, but one day you will conquer that obstacle, with the most shocking results ever. That was for my running in IPPT and the current CSB 10km run in 1 hour.
In army is about regimentation discipline, you always need to follow a set of rules and laws must be accounted for. In the christian faith, we believed in the 10 commandments and follow Jesus through his first Birth, to his burial and then his RESURRECTION. Not forgetting about the ASCENSION into Heaven. These phases are exactly what I've been through before almost all the time.
Its up to you to brave the burial phase of your circumstance. I was actually pretty disappointed, sad and fearful when I was announced to be part of ASLC. I actually cried on that day. It was one of my most emotional and mentally toughest times I've been through. I wallow in self-pity and was on the verge of even thinking of OOC.
But if I did so, I know I may not have a chance to become a 3SG ever again. And I'll be breaking the flow of my army life. I wanted to quit to give up, it was pretty tempting and i've dwelled with my old bad habits again during my time in the one week block leave. I could never understand, why in the world did I cry. But it took that period of time to help me recover a little of my problems, and slowly but surely, as I still go to church, still go for cell group, I was on my way to recovery.
It was thanks to the emerge conference, the upcoming Song of Solomon Bible Study, that really energized and enlarge my love for God once again.
In fact, past few days, one guy from my section even say: " Hey, Clement, you know ah, I think you are made for Guards sia."
Me: "What? Why would I want Guards? Its too shiong for me."
Buddy: "Its your Attitude, its like a Guards-man, I really think you will enter Guards next time."
Sometimes I do not know if that is a compliment of anything, but, I know one thing, if I have the attitude of a Guards, that means, I have already acheived what I was searching for, a new hope in my walk during this ASLC. To become stronger and stand out among the crowd so as to inspire and change people, I have to become much stronger. Whether in terms of skill, or techniques, I will muster all I have and train my physical. I will not wellow in self-pity anymore. I will overcome anything that stands in my way. Do things with great pride and no more mediocre work. Its time to rise above the ashes and show the people around you the light that shines.
Christian life is Progressive right? Well, I always link this to army's progressive training. In army, everything is progressive, whether it be running 10 click or even SOC training, its all about conditioning in a progressive manner. To run the 10 click, you will first run 5 click, then 6, then 7, 8 and finally 10. I succeeded in the 10 click trial test and my next test is coming soon.
Similarly, its not like one day you can suddenly pray 1 hour, you will burnt out. So I am learning back to basics myself. I've decided to really just talk to God. Just talking to him from my heart, communicating and talking about certain things that God showed me through this experience.
We solve problems in the World. Well, in army we have a fair share of problems. Will you be disciplined by your own mistakes? Yes you will, the key is to not let this discipline bring you down, but to stand up again after you have understand why you are chastened.
It's not about cutting corners that will get what you want. Actually, most of the people in my batch like to do that, especially two or three of my section mates. Somehow they will always get away with it, but I know that if they were to ever be found out, their punishment will also get double. I tried to tell them to do the right way, but its really up to them to listen. I can't control their lives after all.
Personally I've found too many similarities of the army life towards christian life. After all, we are part of God's army. So if you wanna be effective, just do it. If you can do the thing that was layed before you, just volunteer. If you think that you need "training" in the field of bible study, prayer, fasting. Do the progressive training and start building up. As you begin to do so, you will see an increase in confidence level. What does this confidence level do? It aids you in able to overcome obstacles in front of you. Route marches in christian life is just like going through your toughest time. Probably like SOT, like you business, your school semester, all these problems you face.
"But we must have the end in mind" my OC told us once. That's when I told myself, "Hey, that's Faith!" The substance of things hope, the evidence of things not seen. Even our OC believes in Faith, how cool is that, and he's a muslim religion. I've come to known God is a person who likes to speak to different people to give me comfort, hope, discipline, and i'm still waiting for love to come. And I believe, through SOS bible study, I will be able to find that love, that I lost during army, I lost it due to my own carelessness. I want it back again...
When I first enlisted I began to start talking more to God, to pray. Then hard times in the form of physical activity. After which, the 'Fighting Spirit' will kick in and somehow you overcome the obstacle. Its like Faith, you put your faith in your own abilities and sure you may fail your SOC, your IPPT, but one day you will conquer that obstacle, with the most shocking results ever. That was for my running in IPPT and the current CSB 10km run in 1 hour.
In army is about regimentation discipline, you always need to follow a set of rules and laws must be accounted for. In the christian faith, we believed in the 10 commandments and follow Jesus through his first Birth, to his burial and then his RESURRECTION. Not forgetting about the ASCENSION into Heaven. These phases are exactly what I've been through before almost all the time.
Its up to you to brave the burial phase of your circumstance. I was actually pretty disappointed, sad and fearful when I was announced to be part of ASLC. I actually cried on that day. It was one of my most emotional and mentally toughest times I've been through. I wallow in self-pity and was on the verge of even thinking of OOC.
But if I did so, I know I may not have a chance to become a 3SG ever again. And I'll be breaking the flow of my army life. I wanted to quit to give up, it was pretty tempting and i've dwelled with my old bad habits again during my time in the one week block leave. I could never understand, why in the world did I cry. But it took that period of time to help me recover a little of my problems, and slowly but surely, as I still go to church, still go for cell group, I was on my way to recovery.
It was thanks to the emerge conference, the upcoming Song of Solomon Bible Study, that really energized and enlarge my love for God once again.
In fact, past few days, one guy from my section even say: " Hey, Clement, you know ah, I think you are made for Guards sia."
Me: "What? Why would I want Guards? Its too shiong for me."
Buddy: "Its your Attitude, its like a Guards-man, I really think you will enter Guards next time."
Sometimes I do not know if that is a compliment of anything, but, I know one thing, if I have the attitude of a Guards, that means, I have already acheived what I was searching for, a new hope in my walk during this ASLC. To become stronger and stand out among the crowd so as to inspire and change people, I have to become much stronger. Whether in terms of skill, or techniques, I will muster all I have and train my physical. I will not wellow in self-pity anymore. I will overcome anything that stands in my way. Do things with great pride and no more mediocre work. Its time to rise above the ashes and show the people around you the light that shines.
Christian life is Progressive right? Well, I always link this to army's progressive training. In army, everything is progressive, whether it be running 10 click or even SOC training, its all about conditioning in a progressive manner. To run the 10 click, you will first run 5 click, then 6, then 7, 8 and finally 10. I succeeded in the 10 click trial test and my next test is coming soon.
Similarly, its not like one day you can suddenly pray 1 hour, you will burnt out. So I am learning back to basics myself. I've decided to really just talk to God. Just talking to him from my heart, communicating and talking about certain things that God showed me through this experience.
We solve problems in the World. Well, in army we have a fair share of problems. Will you be disciplined by your own mistakes? Yes you will, the key is to not let this discipline bring you down, but to stand up again after you have understand why you are chastened.
It's not about cutting corners that will get what you want. Actually, most of the people in my batch like to do that, especially two or three of my section mates. Somehow they will always get away with it, but I know that if they were to ever be found out, their punishment will also get double. I tried to tell them to do the right way, but its really up to them to listen. I can't control their lives after all.
Personally I've found too many similarities of the army life towards christian life. After all, we are part of God's army. So if you wanna be effective, just do it. If you can do the thing that was layed before you, just volunteer. If you think that you need "training" in the field of bible study, prayer, fasting. Do the progressive training and start building up. As you begin to do so, you will see an increase in confidence level. What does this confidence level do? It aids you in able to overcome obstacles in front of you. Route marches in christian life is just like going through your toughest time. Probably like SOT, like you business, your school semester, all these problems you face.
"But we must have the end in mind" my OC told us once. That's when I told myself, "Hey, that's Faith!" The substance of things hope, the evidence of things not seen. Even our OC believes in Faith, how cool is that, and he's a muslim religion. I've come to known God is a person who likes to speak to different people to give me comfort, hope, discipline, and i'm still waiting for love to come. And I believe, through SOS bible study, I will be able to find that love, that I lost during army, I lost it due to my own carelessness. I want it back again...
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