21st Birthday Blues...

Finally I turn 21!

Many things happened on my Birthday. Though most are not pleasent... First things first, I still failed my SOC. Its been pretty tiring to keep hearing from others that I still failed this stupid and pointless test.

Then right after that, all the LSC's got a meeting from our Staff, to address on the issue of not eating breakfast in the morning for some of the people in the bunks. He even summoned to two offenders to the office room. One of them happened to be in my Section. I have wasted my breathe trying to talk through him. Up till now I still can't believe why is he still inside ASLC.. Or even to be training to become a sergent at all.

Other then that, the only good thing or at least to me, was the briefing on our upcoming Exercise in Taiwan. I can't really mention much, but the R&R is what I have been looking forward to. From the briefing I understand that the training schedule is pretty hectic. In fact, I predict that we won't have much admin rest time at all. All I know is, many measures were taken to ensure our body is to be taken care of, also that we have to shit properly at the right places. All the disciplines have to be followed or face the consequences. I can't wait for the end of the exercise!

Then today, after all the inspection was done, we can finally book out to go home. After slacking at home for awhile, I went out with my family for a little supper. When we reached home, guess what. The house was all covered in smoke. My mom immediately realized that she forgotten to turn of the stove. Wow. If we were home any later, I do not know how disastrous it would have become.

Anyway, this is my birthday. Not very grand, not much presents, not much company as well. Abit disappointed that my own parents forgotten that today was my actual birthday. I actually noticed that my birthday's are like that these few years. Either I am turning invisible, or my birthdays don't matter much anymore. Nevertheless, though all these things happen, I will praise God for bringing me to where I've been for the pass 21 years.

Too many ups and downs before I reached to where I am right now. I know I still needed to mold myself even more, I am not confident enough to lead anyone yet. Even today as I tried to take charge no one listens. I shout, I get cold feedback but at least they start to move faster. Sometimes I want to break the cycle, but its just too hard when people are just not cooperative to the purpose or this course.

Well, so much for my 21st Birthday...

Lady GaGa - Poker Face (Acoustic - Live)

You thought Lady Gaga's Song is all about computerized techno? Well check her out! Pokerface acoustic! I will always love acoustic versions!

21st Birthday Celebration!

A New Era is Born...

Indeed it has. I agreed totally to the slogan on the card I received from my cell group friends. Thanks for the shirt guys it was nice. Somehow, during this whole birthday thing, I wanted it to be different.

Most 21st Birthday are about 'Keys' to Freedom. But my cake is a guitar, which raised many questions among my family and relatives. But what is wrong with a guitar? I love that instrument. Besides, every 21st Birthday, their cakes are either keys or just plain square cakes. I like to be different than others, I don't care what people say anymore. Because the more I do so, I will start to 'please' them. So often its actually quite harmful. I got to learn when to not heed the words they say and learn to know when can I 'throw' them away.

Overall, it was a good celebration. Met my old friends and even got to see my former cell group members and hearing their laughter and the things they shared with one another... It brings back memories. I actually took a trip down memory lane today, as I see my friends, relatives and even the events that I've went through. Personally, I feel nostalgic, a little sad, happy that I am 21, but still a little hard to believe, that I am 21. I am a matured adult? Maybe, in terms of certain responsibilities brought to light. But I feel that I still have a long way to go. There are more things needed to be done, more stuff to complete and meet the dateline.

It was quite a fun time though, a pity for some of my friends who could not make it in the end. But no matter, I 'm a simple guy, I did not really do a large scale party but its all worth it. Presents lesser so what. The most important thing to me is to be able to spend quality time together. Anyway I hope to enforce that 21 years I am still alive, kicking and ready to take on the coming challenge.

Talking cock...

Booking in soon...

I wanted to blog about my feelings for the coming field camp. But its no use, all I feel is, I don't want to go, I don't want to go... Even the platoon live firing is even draining my spirit away. It's like the most depressing book-in's, like that time in BMT when we have our Chinese New Year before our field camp. That feeling is back again. The reluctance to enter back to camp.

I believe that's being human. That's my flesh. I can't help but feel reluctant and no 'fire' within me at all. I kept thinking about what might come, which began to hinder what I am about to do now. I've wondered how am I going to survive without bathing for 4 days, even 7 days of no bathing. I can only pray that I will lift up all these events to God. I shall put my trust in the lord.

Being religious? Maybe, sometimes its ok to be a little religious. I need God more than ever before. But I wish for it to be not one-sided. If God brought me to Infantry to make me feel more uncomfortable and to become stronger in my mind, then so be it. I will do my best for this trial...

Updates and Rantings....

This week is a rather slack week, after all we are in camp. Its better to be in camp then the outfield, infantry really sucks.

I have a problem if I can't pass the SOC course. If I can't, I won't be able to get my 3SG rank. Sometimes I just accepted that I won't pass out as a 3SG and hope to actually go to another vocation where I can finally learn something new. I've met my old friend from BMT today at the SOC ground. He was our medic at the end point and I was quite surprise to see him.

I talked to him and he is serving as a medic man. He told me that if I were to OOC because I cannot clear the SOC, I will post to most probably, Combat Medic. Its 8am-5pm job. I could use that sort of job. Other than that, I wish still to be able to pass in future.

ARGH! I'm just ranting.

Christian NSF's... They need the Church Support...

I can't help but keep thinking...

What if, the church can do a program that prepares Christian men in Singapore, to be aware and ready for their coming national service, not to prevent them from entering or to 'chao keng' but to become effective people in future as they start serving their NS.

Not only that, but once they are in NS, they will be always cared for and remembered by their fellow church friends. After all, once they enter, they can't really guarantee a stable time table, their cell group timings would be screwed up, and they will eventually stop growing in the lord. I've been through this, and I wondered why am I drying up so fast. Sometimes I always say that if it weren't for attending church, I would have given up to be a commander. Somehow, I can find my strength if I continue to attend church, I will just feel empowered. But the feeling does not last for long.

I have this burden for the Christian enlistees, that they are not prepared for whats about to come and experience in army. There will be many temptations, the life style will be totally different. The way they do things in army is sometimes nonsensical but memorable, and sometimes the people will around you will start to drain your spirit away. As you began to see the male entity of the world, you will began to realize the predicament of your spirit being drained away by individuals with their own way of doing things. Not realizing that it will 'sabo' which is sabotage, your platoon mates.

I began to think why does men, grow weaker spiritually in army. The answer lies in the people in army and that it was hard to even form a prayer meeting without being interrupted. As a leader to be, I feel that action is needed for the church to not neglect this group of people as they not only serve the country, but they serve also the one true God by going to army. Toughening physical as well as mental stress.

I feel that the church should organize something for the NSF who attends church. I'm still brain-storming ideas on how to do so, but so far nothing I could think up. Damn I start to talk cock already...

A Coming-of-age Dilema....

Being a person who thinks. Thats what I strive to be. To be able to think of solutions, to think of ways to bond the team, to find the best way possible to do a task. That's what I have been trying to do. Furthermore, physically I have nearly hit the pinnacle of my injuries.

My left feet is aching, back is also aching, having a sore throat too. I wonder how am I able to move on in my course? There are still more to come. I believe its the work of supernatural, after all, I have not been really praying like before. I haven't even touch my bible this few weeks. Sometimes I just don't feel like doing those things. But yet, I feel that I haven't lost God's touch on my life. Maybe because I still go to church, but something's missing in my life.

Whenever, I travel by MRT or even by taxi, as I look at the people in the cabin or on the road side, I see couples, groups of friends, hanging out doing the things they want to do together. I feel so disheartened, why don't I have friends like that anymore. Especially since I'm in army, and how army friends also have their own life to live. None would really want to spend time together outside. After all one of them has a girl-friend.

Speaking about girl-friends, I finally understood what Pastor Kong meant by 'an urge for a merge'. Its like an in-built system in men. We have auto targeting eyes to seek out 'potential' targets every now and then. Its like inevitable! We would automatically stare at a 'prominant' object in the middle of the mrt cabin and then we would like: 'Man, I wish she was my girl-friend, so beautiful in that dress, that skirt, that b- Whoa whoa whoa... SNAP OUT OF IT.' That's when I know its beginning to hit me. Its like every girl that walks past, mostly with just above average looks is like the one for me! Man, its a very deadly trap. I feel kinda ashamed that I am sharing a guy's dilema here, but this is the only place I can get it out.

Furthermore, I know City Harvest has also alot, and I mean, ALOT of beautiful girls! Sure, I went for worship, I wanted to learn God's Word, but more that anything, I want to experience God, not experience some ladies, who dressed 'pretty' well and even sometimes dressed to show off assets, as well as the curves. What's there not to stare at? Especially like what, a 21 year old young man like me?

I know this is normal for a guy. I am a guy for pete's sake. I adore women but the drive to really want to stay with the one I love is getting on me. I finally understood abit of what my buddy David is feeling. He just wants to be pure, to be faithful to the one he deems the love of his life. Yet sometimes, our 'desires' will just go overboard. Its not like I can use psychic powers and hypnotise a girl to love you? Or even make her be the one, no wait, if you got such power you would control all those women you like just for the sex. Reality check for me...

When oh when will I find the one for me. Who is able to satisfy my own needs, and also I want to do things together, to have fun, shopping and even hugging and kissing... I guess, I only came to realise that more and more, as I began to enter the pinnacle of adult-hood...