Army men...

Today I went out with my best bud along with my other secondary school friends.

We decided to hang out for dinner and chit-chat over dinner. This is because, my friend Kean, has just POP, in short for Pass Out Parade. In other words, Basic Military Training (BMT) is over for him.

He had some stories to tell of life in the army and one of my friends joining us, named Stedson, was a 3rd Sergent and both of them began to share about army stuff and me and my myanmar friend, Thit Lwin, sat there and listen and laugh along with them.

Occasionally they will turn to Thit and go on saying about the IPPT or Army's NAPFA I sometimes call it. Then they will say he is able to make it to Command School. Then when they turn to me, they will always sarcastically doubt me and say that I won't make it big or I won't make the cut.

It has been like this for years... They still like to talk me down. In fact, it seems that everywhere I go, I have been talked down. Whether is it Strikeforce, in my own cell-group(rarely happens but sometimes) and most of the time with my outside friends, all of them like to "suan" me hokkien for "disturb" or "talk down".

I sometimes feel why am I a male. I mean, I have been made fun when my friends would talk dirty and I do not talk dirty they will start to disturb me. When I laugh along with them, they always ask me why do I laugh. I don't get it? Is it just my lack of communication? Or is it because I am not Man Enough. What exactly is the world's vision of being a man? That I have to talk dirty and speak vulgarities like nobodies business? Those every verb have to be replaced with an f word?

Why is it so hard to communicate openly with them. I mean Kean will sometimes talk to me seriously, but he is the one that doubted me the most. He was the one who say that if I stayed like this, I could not make it. What am I suppose to do? Prove myself? Yea, maybe I will. But what I really dislike was that the fact that I have not went through it and immediately they say that I cannot make it, saying I won't be alert and may get the whole platoon into trouble if I ever enlist.

I was so frustrated at their words, but I did not show it. Instead, I put on a smiling face and never talked back. Because if I did talk back, Kean has a way to counter the words I say.

Yet, I still consider him as my best buddy. He is my music confident, my "teacher" in music and i definately admire his musical prowess. He is also the first guy I have been friends with a long time. He is my only friend that gives me a Reality Check and I need him to be those kind of guy, because without him, I would've probably lived in a Fantasy World of my Own and not do something about the dire situation I was in before.

I guess, the army is really tough if he say that I could not make it, I'll PROVE it. In the name of Jesus I will prove him wrong. God I ask for your strength and discipline, an annointing of being alert at all times. I have to exercise more in order to build up my strength, especially arm strength. I need to get 20 pull ups. Thats my current goal. I need to start training leg power for running and Standing Board Jump. I have to be able to prove, that i can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me...