I think I see a trend here. Apparently, whenever I try to put a little initiative, it causes other people to be bothered and angry. And reacting to that, I mellowed down and was in turn, screwed for speaking up. Maybe I really, really think too much. But that's what kept me going, thinking for the recruits welfare, trying to keep it in the flow. Wanting to not cause others extra trouble and work to do. And ultimately, I derived to the conclusion, WHAT THE FUCK IS RIGHT AND WRONG???
I totally agree that army is the worst place for creativity to flourish. In terms of leadership wise, there are many things we cannot do, many things to follow by and many things to commit by. The Heirachy system, overides everything I have ever came up, and despises all the actions I have done so far. So should I stop being nice? Should I stop thinking? Should I stop being a 'jerk' to others? SHOULD I LEAVE THE COMPANY?
I think I came to this conclusion many times especially with the new OC inside. My new PC likes to give me more trouble and work, but not more welfare and rest. I in turn have no choice but to give my section commanders the job. I hate delegating jobs. I really think that as a PS, I have failed. I can't think otherwise for people getting pissed at me, and I see loads of PSes and how I felt pissed about them because of their own actions. I think about how as a PS I can motivate my recruits but I can't do it. I don't have the substance, the height, the calibre... It seems I was choosen on a wimp. I couldn't survive in my environment any longer. I feel stifled, insecure and totally irrelevant. I finally understand, what it means to be a sandwich.
I hate Army Life.
2 comments:
Hey man... Don't be too hard on yourself. The system is too big and too broken, and it isn't worth your time or effort to fix. Only thing within your control are the little actions towards your men. Just do your best and FO from army.
-Ying Xiang
Hey Caleb! Don't give up. Not sure what exactly happened, but from your entry seems like there are people who are difficult to lead. All I can say is that in life, many people are set in their mentality and expectations of life...this is also true in army life. Don't take things too hard. If you fail in reaching your objective in doing certain things, it is not your fault. Sometimes, people just refuse to cooperate. There's nth much we can do to deal with these kind of people. Just do your best, do what you must and do what you believe you should! I know how it feels when your best doesn't seem enough. But when you're faithful to do what you believe you should do, that's all that is needed. Jiayou!
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