Being a person who thinks. Thats what I strive to be. To be able to think of solutions, to think of ways to bond the team, to find the best way possible to do a task. That's what I have been trying to do. Furthermore, physically I have nearly hit the pinnacle of my injuries.
My left feet is aching, back is also aching, having a sore throat too. I wonder how am I able to move on in my course? There are still more to come. I believe its the work of supernatural, after all, I have not been really praying like before. I haven't even touch my bible this few weeks. Sometimes I just don't feel like doing those things. But yet, I feel that I haven't lost God's touch on my life. Maybe because I still go to church, but something's missing in my life.
Whenever, I travel by MRT or even by taxi, as I look at the people in the cabin or on the road side, I see couples, groups of friends, hanging out doing the things they want to do together. I feel so disheartened, why don't I have friends like that anymore. Especially since I'm in army, and how army friends also have their own life to live. None would really want to spend time together outside. After all one of them has a girl-friend.
Speaking about girl-friends, I finally understood what Pastor Kong meant by 'an urge for a merge'. Its like an in-built system in men. We have auto targeting eyes to seek out 'potential' targets every now and then. Its like inevitable! We would automatically stare at a 'prominant' object in the middle of the mrt cabin and then we would like: 'Man, I wish she was my girl-friend, so beautiful in that dress, that skirt, that b- Whoa whoa whoa... SNAP OUT OF IT.' That's when I know its beginning to hit me. Its like every girl that walks past, mostly with just above average looks is like the one for me! Man, its a very deadly trap. I feel kinda ashamed that I am sharing a guy's dilema here, but this is the only place I can get it out.
Furthermore, I know City Harvest has also alot, and I mean, ALOT of beautiful girls! Sure, I went for worship, I wanted to learn God's Word, but more that anything, I want to experience God, not experience some ladies, who dressed 'pretty' well and even sometimes dressed to show off assets, as well as the curves. What's there not to stare at? Especially like what, a 21 year old young man like me?
I know this is normal for a guy. I am a guy for pete's sake. I adore women but the drive to really want to stay with the one I love is getting on me. I finally understood abit of what my buddy David is feeling. He just wants to be pure, to be faithful to the one he deems the love of his life. Yet sometimes, our 'desires' will just go overboard. Its not like I can use psychic powers and hypnotise a girl to love you? Or even make her be the one, no wait, if you got such power you would control all those women you like just for the sex. Reality check for me...
When oh when will I find the one for me. Who is able to satisfy my own needs, and also I want to do things together, to have fun, shopping and even hugging and kissing... I guess, I only came to realise that more and more, as I began to enter the pinnacle of adult-hood...
No comments:
Post a Comment