Only Human....

If any of you that have been visiting my blog at all, my personality results at the sides have changed. I'm more introverted, and I became a generous artist. Probably, because army life is an alien to me, so I've been quite closed up about myself. I think more too, probably too much. I hope to revive my orange side quickly. Cause that's mostly like me, reckless, tend to jump in instead of walk in. But I just can't be myself in army. Why? My friends would ask me.

I just felt provoked that my freedom was compromised. I stepped in with the mentality that I want to build up my discipline level. Also, I wanted to be physically involved. Yet sometimes, I rely too much on my discipline, I kinda found out that I keep to myself. I felt that no one wants to really know me and my life. After all, whenever there was a chance to intro myself, whatever I say seems to fall on deaf ears, there wasn't much response from the crowd. In other words... I don't feel acceptance.

Especially since I've changed cell, I actually, honestly speaking, don't really feel accepted at all. I felt like an alien in my cell sometimes. I rarely interact with them due to my own screwed up schedule, after all, its army. The places where they want to out reach was simply too far away from home. Then I realised, I am actually pleasing people every where, so that I can get acceptance.

I also realised, that this is not the way to gain acceptance. You keep giving and giving to that altar, but its not enough. Today's sermon. I have to stop, and realise I have already gain acceptance in the eyes of God. Yet I can't help but think, if God accepted me, then why is it, up till now, I cannot find acceptance yet? Its all about attitude again.

I need to buck up. But yet I just can't help but feel that way sometimes. I am after all, only human. Sure you may have a strong mind, but unlike my officer friend, I am not that strong. Although I can endure, but that does not neccessarily make me a strong minded fella.