My circumstance has not improved at all. Reluctantly I serve my country in this very company. What ever that I have gone through in SISPEC never prepared me for this. I can't say I'm happy neither am I sad, coz the sadness just turned to numbness. Depressing thoughts still come, but in the end, I knew that it was useless to talk about it or even bring it up so I shut it up inside. Just like my old times.

My every bad habit has returned to me. I want to be stronger, but in the end I just became the stupidity of the company commanders. I do not gain much respect from them, neither do I really stand out. After all, I'm a new Platoon Sergeant. Then why does FP get better attention? Because he was pretty strict? Because he is more sociable to them then I was? Must I be the ultimate slack to gain their attention?

Letting my emotions go have been helpful, but barely, as the problem of the matter can never be removed. If that is the case, then I cannot make that person be the problem or else it will be an eternal problem, which would hinder the path to great destiny.

Then again why would I care for destiny. I'm tired of all this fucking around. Of all this trash that was thrown at my feet. I can't click with them. At all. Bunch of maggots all of them. Which makes me one too in the sight of them.