FRUSTRATION Part 2

Oh my socks!

I am so frustrated! I am never going to find a job through agency anymore. Ok to be more specific, I do not want a contracted job ever again. It is seriously killing me!

I feel so trapped, so snuffed out in this company. I already submitted my army letter. That does not stop the contract for terminating me from this workplace. I really wish I could bang my head on the wall, why did I SIGN THE CONTRACT!!!

Now I'm stuck in this hole. And I feel as if I am suffocating. I know Aileen mean well to encourage me to stay on and even telling me that I should just swallow it down and stay on, but... My body won't allow me to swallow it.

The problem with me at work is the same. I don't have the authority, or if I'm not even sure about my authority, I will not Exercise it. Its something which I do not like to use either. Authority. Its abit hard as I have my own self-esteem issues. And to me, a Job that deteorates your self-esteem issues, is really not a job at all. Its like going to prison, working for the sake of money as well as to become someone which you are never good at in the first place. It is also not the best place to perform well in that job scope too.

I have been not doing work in this company. I really really, want to leave here. I do not want to burden this company any longer, I do not want to post invoices anymore, thats it, my final time of financial invoicing and all that crap.

I have never liked handling invoices. I prefer to just do my art... I know I can't think of it this way... Even today I met up with the Recruit Express gang for lunch and the new person that came in was a china guy. He says that even if we have dreams, we still need to survive.

The word survival... I really do not like that word. Its a word that will bound one to do something which he is not meant to do. He has no choice, no freedom, bounded in a cage and have no access to pleasures and comfort.

I really do not like the word. Yet its thanks to the Survival instinct in our flesh that we also cause pain in others...

Frustration over this matter is normal. Yet to brood over this, is harmful. I feel that I have entered, not the working world, but the real MARKETPLACE...